Truthfully, I blame Carl Sagan. And astrology and tarot cards

Hi, I’m new here. This is a very personal subject to me. I was an atheist from 10 years old until 30 years old. I believed in science, chaos theory, and the meaningless of existence. I believed in morality as innate and intrinsic. Ultimately, this belief led to the loss of my own moral compass and a descent into hell. I now could be classified as the most Nihilistic Christian you will have the opportunity to meet, but I believe in God and I believe in the devil. It’s been 8 years of battle, but I credit God with giving me my life back.