Is it depression if you're simply tired of life? I don’t get you, but I don’t know you well enough to advise you. You do seem to have quite a strong personality and equally unafraid to use it here. — Brett
Neither do I get me. To be unbiased and honest, here, I think I'm just pretty self-indulgent and downright spoiled. I have no apparent reason to hate my life; but, I don't find it rewarding or useful in many ways. I've spent a good portion of my life on online forums, asking for help, whining, and complaining about complaining. It's a self-justifying thing with me.
My point about older people, in case it wasn’t made clear enough, is that they live with their physical aches and pains, the idea that old age is not going to go away, and the long past with so many botched moments. But they get up every morning, do the same deadly routine, deal with the same problems over and over and face up to it.
I swim with a small group of older men, up to the mid eighties in age. Some have lost partners, some have cancer or suffered a stroke. They get up every morning and head down the beach, push themselves through the water and always comment on how good they feel. Bitching and arguing is also part of this process. — Brett
See, I wouldn't mind being at the end of my life, and just spending the rest with family or recollecting about it having been experienced and gone through. Yet, I am quite young, and find existence burdensome. The only time when I'm happy is before sleep, sleeping, and the half-hour after waking up. The rest of my waking life is spent in bed or checking my phone for new posts here.
And, I don't think it's not "depression" anymore. It's always been depression with me, as my mother, and closest relatives know that about me. Yet, I've tried countless drugs for depression, CBT, and a little bit of therapy. Nothing seems to help. I do think about suicide a lot and have talked about it as if it we're eating an ice-cream.
Again, my spoiled attitude seems to be the issue here, and character-building is prevented by this attitude. Am I not taking life seriously enough? Perhaps...