John says "I'm a woman" - meaning that he feels like he is something which he would describe as 'a woman'. It's important to him that his feelings on this are respected because having other people acknowledge his feelings is an important part of being in a social group.
Mary says "you are not a woman" - meaning that the thing she associates with term 'woman' is something you're born with, it has meaning to her that womanhood is nothing more than your biological status because she (as a biological woman) wants to feel she can be anything she wants to be. She feels a bond with those previously oppressed for their biological status and its important to her to have her feelings about this definition respected.
How is one oppressed and the other a bigot? — Pseudonym
Well, let's leave oppression to the side for now. My direct answer to the question would be that this isn't a dichotomy, that there are multiple classes of people who are oppressed, but this would take us pretty far astray.
Also, in the manner you are describing here -- in the hypothetical -- you're making the dispute about meaning, it seems to me. Where the argument is over the proper, right, or true meaning of the term "woman". So what we have is two people talking past one another. Naturally Mary is not a bigot. They're just confused about what's being talked about due to the phonetic similarities of the words they are using.
But I suspect that the phrases used in practice "I am a woman" or "You are not a woman" do
not hinge on the meaning of "woman". They are words being put to use, and what is in dispute is the
identity of a person.
Some aspects of identity are social. If I am a teacher then that means I hold a license to teach, I am given income and benefits for my efforts in teaching, and -- so we hope -- I actually do teach students.
Some aspects of identity are
not social -- they are personal. They are impressed on and expressed by the person who
is the identity. If I am a pluviophile it's something I know about myself, and I can tell you that I am a pluviophile but you won't feel the joy I feel when it rains. You can develop metrics of a sort to determine whether I am who I say I am -- perhaps you'd expect me to sit on the porch when it rains, or to treat you more kindly than average when it rains. But the metrics wouldn't be the feeling, and I would be the one in the best position to determine whether what I say about myself is true -- since I do, at least, feel my feelings, where you do not. After all perhaps I come from a culture where joy is expressed differently. I also may be wrong about my feelings, but I have the benefit of feeling them.
So I'd say the question here turns on one, how do we determine the
personal identity, like the case of the pluviophile, of others?, and two, what is
appropriate in such determinations? In short form my answer is: by asking to the former question and listening to the latter question. And that naturally leads me to say that Jane, formally called John, is in the right above, whereas Mary is in the wrong. Mary can say "I am a woman", just as Jane can say "I am a woman" -- and if they listened to one another they would both be able to express their identity and understand where they are coming from.
Transgender individuals being treated in accord with their gender-identity does not erase the very real struggles of women, or the identities of women. I'd say that it offers an
expansion of identity that allows for the feelings of both the hypothetical Mary and John.
Both Mary and John are accorded the respect they deserve as individuals with their own feelings on their identity.
But Bill and William are simply references, they have no other meaning, so the request is a neutral one. The meaning of the word William doesn't have any significant connotations, nor reflect any major world-view. This is not the case with - 'woman' or 'him/her', they are extremely loaded words with years of oppression, struggle and social demand packed into them. It is not a simple request to ask others to use them in the way you personally see fit — Pseudonym
I am sympathetic to looking at how words have and are used through time, to the specificity of individuals, to details. I think that this is why I've been drawing examples such as depression, pluviophilia, race, sexuality, and so forth with respect to transgender identity. There are enough similarities here to see a kind of grouping with respect to how it is we determine so and so is this or that, as well as to attempt a generalization towards an ethic of identity.
I'd say that transgender identity is so unlike the belief that you are Jesus, for instance, that this is a case that falls by the wayside -- for the technical reasons I specified, such as historicity and the methodology in determining the interior lives of others, but also in a more commonsense way. They just don't seem related at all.
Though I'll admit that if someone
really pressed me to call them Jesus, and I came to believe that this is really how they felt and it makes them feel happier to be called Jesus, while I certainly wouldn't believe him to be
that Jesus -- given the historical nature of the man -- I'd be willing to accommodate them.