You didn't catch my bit about glory holes?
If you want to argue that there's always some emotion during sex, that's fine and I'm not a psychologist who knows better, but very evidently some sexual encounters can be less emotional than others where sexual satisfaction is the goal for both parties rather than intimate or emotional connection.
So I ask again, what's so wrong about that? — VagabondSpectre
Other people are involved with glory holes too. The same argument applies.
I'm not asking a comparative question about emotion. Caring isn't defined by suddenly becoming irrelevant because you don't want to life for someone forever. It's always tied to the context.
If you want to have sex, another has value to you, is desired by you, it's tied to your emotional state (your desires/what makes you happy/ what makes you frustrated) and how you value other people. Sexual satisfaction
is an emotional goal in which another is significant, no matter what form it might take.
Nothing is wrong, per se, with different sorts of sexual relationship. They can be short, long, exclusive, open, etc. but the way people understand the sexual relationships and what others happen to think matters a great deal. It affect how people relate to others and whether they are considered in the context of sexual interactions.
The myth "sex is just about pleasure" is wrong because it's ignorant of how other people are involved in the sexual encounter. Instead of terming sex in terms of the significance of the other (e.g. "I want to have sex with someone as an expression mutual desire"), it does so only in terms of what one individual wants (e.g. "I'm having sex just to get pleasure). Not only is
objectification, but the person isn't even aware it's objectification, for they just don't conceive the other person and their significance is playing a part at all.
Let's use the bar example to show what I mean. Should a man just walk-up to a woman, act like she is interested in him and hit on her after some seconds have passed? This should be fine because the woman "should be able to handle it" right? After all she's all dressed up, in the place where (supposedly) people go to find any stranger for sex-- that's what she must be there for right, to meet any random man? She must just be the object there to agree to give a strange man pleasure.
If we pause to actually
think about the other person for a moment, we'll find this obviously not true. People often go to bars just to be entertained. They dress up and do out with their friends. It doesn't mean they are there looking for a casual sex partner. Even if they
are looking for a partner, it doesn't mean they'll want attention from a particular man.
The ethics of any approach become more considerate and more complex. Instead of interrupting the group of friends clearly talking amongst themselves, to spend a night with one (or more), one will leave them alone because they are clearly busy. In making any approach, on will consider the impact they will have on others by doing so, how the pressures of being hit one might impact on someone. One won't just automatically go around hitting on everyone because they are interested and might get a night of pleasure. The idea women should "just be able to handle" a man's becomes abhorrent. We see it's nothing more than a man thinking he's entitled to try and get what he wants, without consideration of the circumstances or interests of any woman involved. In some cases, the (dis)interests of women are enough to mean an approach is unethical, even in a bar.
To think about sex as "is just about getting pleasure" is to ignore an element which defines all sexual relationships, other people, and so miss an element critical ethical behaviour in that context.