This response may perhaps seem somewhat counterintuitive, so I'll try to word it well. What you describe is probably a concern for the greater majority of people. Some hide it well, and may be hesitant to admit to anything less than perfection.

Anyway, the goal is usually described as attaining a healthy sense of self. Which is well and good.
But what is not usually factored into the equation is that in our culture the "sense of self" has been growing exponentially from a very early age. We are constantly encouraged to "be somebody" and stand out from our peers. The marketing of countless products starts even before the baby has been born. All of this is not a totally negative thing. There are some upsides. But it seems mostly the effect is a bloated and unwieldy sense of self. It feels like a lot of heavy baggage that one cannot put down. This is very different from arrogance, pride, or the usual characteristics of egotism. Using my own experiences as a guide, the feelings could range from confusion, withdrawal and depression to a manic instability and rage.

I now compare a balanced sense of self to maintaining an ideal weight (whatever that may be). Not to sound harshly judgmental, but when it comes to the "self", many people are carrying around a lot of excess weight and baggage. I include myself in that estimation. And it includes a lot of people who are kind, intelligent, hard-working, creative, etc. Another comparison would be the overflow of possessions and stuff crammed into our closets, basements, and storage lockers. We feel empty so we overeat and overspend. That is fairly obvious. The hidden addiction is to be constantly adding layers to our self, adding new and exciting personae, to make one feel more interesting. And the market smells an angle. The "Brand called Me" has been around a long time now.

So to continue the weight metaphor... when one tries to become healthier, no one says they want to lose ALL their weight. That is either impossible, an exaggeration, or anorexic. Likewise, the goal is not to lose ALL sense of self. That is probably impossible, and if it is possible it would be very unbalanced at least. The motto which sums this up and seems to help me is "lose yourself, lose your problems". This may be a bit succinct and pithy, but the gist is the less surface area the self has, the less area there is for concerns, worries, and problems to attach to. Then we can focus on the situations in life that need our attention and energy. There are lots of them. So to cut out the self-created (though inadvertent) ones can truly be a weight off our backs.

What is self-esteem? — Question

Accepting and liking one's self. A sense of self-worth

People who are low achievers can have healthy self-esteem, and high achievers can have an unhealthy sense of unworthiness. One has to accept what one is, whatever that is. This is a truism, of course, but truisms are... true. It is also true that people can have ridiculously over-inflated egos and estimations of their self-worth which 99.9% of everybody else won't agree with.

Part of the structure of what we call depression is a perfectionist drive on one hand, and a beating one's self over the head for failing to be perfect. This vicious cycle drives down one's sense of self-esteem.

It doesn't follow that accepting one's self means never having to try to be better. One can accept one's self, and work towards self-improvement. But one will want to avoid perfection. Very, very, very few athletes (like gymnasts) ever get a perfect 10. Nice when it happens, but one doesn't have to aim for a 10 in one's personal life.

Humans are imperfect, rough-cut, at least somewhat irrational beings, Many of us have unfortunate histories which are going to get in our way all the way to the grave. That's why self-acceptance is important: we're knotty pine, cracked porcelain, faded purple, rusted steel. Never perfect, usually not all-around excellent. We can't accept others until we have accepted ourselves.

What is self-esteem? — Question

Self-esteem is a psychological power structure that motivates the organism by reassuring it as a significant and important symbol in the world. More often than not self-esteem is derived from external means, such as family, friends, co-workers, countries, and even metaphysical theories.

The number one job of the ego when it is not focused on immediate survival requirements is the constant reassurance of the validity and importance of itself, oftentimes in a vane attempt to escape death and live forever as an immortal hero archetype. Terror Management Theory.

Is it overrated? — Question

No, in fact it's a highly necessary and comforting thing to have and it's something I wish I had more of.

How does one build having a strong sense of self-esteem? — Question

By surrounding oneself with supportive external factors (which may or may not be authentic) or by attempting to come to grips with oneself and find motivation from the inside. In fact the trouble tends to arise when one realizes that one's support group is filled with idiots and idiotic ideas, as one's very identity is called into question.

I'm interested in if anyone has heard of the term "ego boundaries".

Ego boundaries in a person with high self-esteem are well defined along with a deep understanding of one's natural talents and limitations, which brings me to my main point. The person with an ideal sense of self-worth is the stoic. A stoic knows that there are things within his/her control and makes sure that he does not feel inadequate or incompetent when trying to look after things out of his/her control.

Essentially a stoic is the ideal towards one ought to strive in understanding the things within their control and the things out of their control.

Ego boundaries in a person with high self-esteem are well defined along with a deep understanding of one's natural talents and limitations, which brings me to my main point. The person with an ideal sense of self-worth is the stoic. A stoic knows that there are things within his/her control and makes sure that he does not feel inadequate or incompetent when trying to look after things out of his/her control. — Question

On the other hand, is was Nietzsche who argued that the overman would have an objective and realistic view of their own existence. Nietzsche was not a stoic.

On the other hand, is was Nietzsche who argued that the overman would have an objective and realistic view of their own existence. — darthbarracuda

There are no such things as an "objective view of their own existence."

If one believes so then they will be inclined to start believing in their superiority over other groups of people or their absolute beliefs about themselves. Dangerous stuff.

If one believes so then they will be inclined to start believing in their superiority over other groups of people or their absolute beliefs about themselves. Dangerous stuff. — Question

But that wouldn't be very objective, would it? Nietzsche is calling for us to become poets of our own lives and try to understand who we are, like who we really are.

Ego boundaries in a person with high self-esteem are well defined along with a deep understanding of one's natural talents and limitations, which brings me to my main point. — Question

Confidence in your competence is the phrase that immediately sprung to my mind. So I agree.

Your subject line asks what self-esteem is, but that doesn't seem to be what you're really wondering. After all, what it is isn't much of a mystery. It's simply an evaluation of one's own worth and the subsequent emotional, attitudinal and behavioral disposition related to the evaluation.

Anyway, you seem to be more interested in how one might go about achieving a positive self-esteem. One of the most important tactics is to "work on yourself." That is, work on your goals, work towards accomplishments including career goals, improve and expand your education, improve your health, your hygiene, your appearance, your home, your interpersonal skills, how you manage your time and what you put your attention on, etc. If you conscientiously, persistently work on all of those things, you'll achieve a more positive self-esteem, and you'll exude self-confidence.

Most of your suggestions for areas to work on appear to have far more to do with how you appear to others rather than to yourself. Surely healthy self-esteem gives not a feather for externals such as 'appearance'.

It affects how most people feel about themselves and how they interact with other people, which has a significant impact on how most people feel about themselves. The things I mentioned are correlated with building self-esteem, for whatever reason they are. If one has low self-esteem, one can work on those things and increase one's self-esteem. If one doesn't want to bother then one is welcome to retain low self-esteem. It's up to the individual in question.

We philosophers prefer justified true self-esteem to high self-esteem. Which is of course the reason most philosophers are unhappy.

We philosophers prefer justified true self-esteem to high self-esteem. Which is of course the reason most philosophers are unhappy. — unenlightened

Ahh, a perverted form of the naturalistic fallacy as I understand it. However, this does not seem to be an exclusive thing that philosophers do...

Take for example the noble Buddhist or some other poor bastard such as a good Samaritan. They place great value in certain beliefs about how one ought to behave and as such center their self-esteem on fulfilling those central beliefs to their respective labels of being a good Buddhist or Samaritan.

Personally, I find all this relativism quite confusing and think that if one ought to build a healthy self-esteem, then they ought to recognize what they can or can not do. But, then again I'm biased on the matter as I've spent a whole lot of time chanting in my head Epictetus or Marcus Aurelius.

Your subject line asks what self-esteem is, but that doesn't seem to be what you're really wondering. After all, what it is isn't much of a mystery. It's simply an evaluation of one's own worth and the subsequent emotional, attitudinal and behavioral disposition related to the evaluation.

Anyway, you seem to be more interested in how one might go about achieving a positive self-esteem. One of the most important tactics is to "work on yourself." That is, work on your goals, work towards accomplishments including career goals, improve and expand your education, improve your health, your hygiene, your appearance, your home, your interpersonal skills, how you manage your time and what you put your attention on, etc. If you conscientiously, persistently work on all of those things, you'll achieve a more positive self-esteem, and you'll exude self-confidence. — Terrapin Station

I took the liberty of underlining all the "work" phrases you have included in your reply. How is it that work itself is something that will bring... happiness (as I understand having a high self-esteem entails a sense of happiness or contentment with one's own life)? This seems to be something that many people in the West do and yet end up never feeling happy or satisfied with their lives.

Here's an interesting thought that occurred to me.

If self-esteem is dependent on what others think of one's self, then why not just say fuck it and disregard what other's think about one's self? I don't know what to call this state of mind... At the same time, it expresses individualism and one's disregard for society. There is a dissonance there if anyone has noticed.

...they ought to recognize what they can or can not do. — Question

That was rather my point. High self -esteem might lead to happiness - lets suppose. But if Ithink I am the Good Samaritan, or the uber-mensch or whatever turns me on, when in fact I am simply a deluded and arrogant little shit, then my self-esteem is not 'true'. Such fantasies actively prevent one from taking those steps, 's or some other program, that will lead to possibly being less of a shit.

High self-esteem leads to the complacency that problems are all down to someone else; probably it's a conspiracy ...
Of course, if it just so happens that I am a great philosopher or the prettiest pensioner on the block, then it is only sensible to acknowledge this.

That was rather my point. High self -esteem might lead to happiness - lets suppose. But if Ithink I am the Good Samaritan, or the uber-mensch or whatever turns me on, when in fact I am simply a deluded and arrogant little shit, then my self-esteem is not 'true'. — unenlightened

Understood, however, you seem to contradict yourself with asserting that there is such a thing as a 'true' sense of self-esteem. Where have I missed your point? As you may have noticed I have a disregard for the concept of 'self-esteem' and personally think it is a fictional concept that originates from some sociological/normative/cultural type of reasoning, which needs deflating.

May I ask...

What is the relationship between being an individual and having a high sense of self-esteem and at the same time being of some utility to society? Are these two concepts at odds?

Just as an interesting side note.

One can see the torture that one goes through when confronting one's self with having/maintaining a high sense of self-esteem.

The Book of Job.
The Meditations of Marcus Aurelius.
The Confessions of St. Augustine

Part of the structure of what we call depression is a perfectionist drive on one hand, and a beating one's self over the head for failing to be perfect. This vicious cycle drives down one's sense of self-esteem. — Bitter Crank

Sorry to arrive late to your post; but, I slept over what you said and have some questions that need answering. I am so self-important in that regard, ey?

Would you say that depression came first or is this a matter of society inflicting pain and suffering on an individual to live up to some standards that we collectively believe in?

The dissonance between shared beliefs and one's own self can be quite burdensome.

As you may have noticed I have a disregard for the concept of 'self-esteem' and personally think it is a fictional concept that originates from some sociological/normative/cultural type of reasoning, which needs deflating. — Question

Yes, I think we agree. All I mean by 'true', is that there is presumably a fact of the matter. Perhaps I am, as it happens, more clever than average, or kinder than most, or whatever. Not that there is any necessity for me to esteem that.

And there is a bit of a secret here; I only need high self-esteem if I have low self-esteem. I convince myself of my potency because I feel impotent. Hey, have you read any Alice Miller? She goes into the origins and problems of grandiosity (the left hand of depression) quite well.

And there is a bit of a secret here; I only need high self-esteem if I have low self-esteem. I convince myself of my potency because I feel impotent. Hey, have you read any Alice Miller? She goes into the origins and problems of grandiosity (the left hand of depression) quite well. — unenlightened

Interesting. The last book I finished and meditated over was Viktor Frankl's, Man's Search for Meaning. It was a nice book; but, very daft in terms of not addressing our emotions while instead focusing on sheer rationality.

I will definitely give Miller a try. I have a feeling that grandiosity is born out of suffering; but, I digress.

Thanks.

I took the liberty of underlining all the "work" phrases you have included in your reply. How is it that work itself is something that will bring... happiness (as I understand having a high self-esteem entails a sense of happiness or contentment with one's own life)? This seems to be something that many people in the West do and yet end up never feeling happy or satisfied with their lives. — Question

First, you're not reading "work" so that it's simply denoting something like "employment," are you? It's "working on oneself," rather.

Why is it that working on oneself brings about better self-esteem? The short answer is simply that there's plenty of empirical evidence that they're correlated. What I'm saying isn't novel. It's well-known in psychology.

Why would working on oneself be correlated with bolstered self-esteem? Well, it's surely simply because lower self-esteem is a result of self-assessments where one feels that one is underachieving, perhaps wasting one's time, not fulfilling one's potential, not as good as one could be, as well as reactions from other people that emphasize those assessments, etc. That's basically what low self-esteem is. So working on oneself gives one a sense of accomplishment/achievement that counters all of that. It also bolsters confidence--confidence isn't exactly the same thing, but they're correlated, and both factors change the way that others react to you.

You're saying that you have empirical evidence of a lot of people working on themselves but having self-esteem problems? What evidence are you talking about?

Anyway, if you have low self-esteem and you want to change that, try working on yourself in the ways I mentioned. It's not going to hurt anything.

Yes, but I am talking about something that comes before work/working on one's self. Namely that there is a certain goal towards which one strives. The realization (or if you prefer, 'self-actualization') of that goal, through working on it, would lead to a higher self-esteem.

However, given that people have insatiable wants and desires, I find it doubtful that people will ever attain a lasting and enduring sense of high self-esteem. Meaning that 'self-esteem' is a rabbit one can chase after; but, never really attain it.

Now, that you have climbed the ladder you can throw it away or offer it to some other fellow.

The realization (or if you prefer, 'self-actualization') of that goal, through working on it, would lead to a higher self-esteem. — Question

That's actually not what I'm saying, by the way. It's not necessary that you complete goals for this. Just that you work towards them. Some goals you may never reach. They may be impractical. They might require things you can't control, including a bit of "luck." Working towards goals is working on oneself and it's enough to bolster self-esteem and give a sense of accomplishment. One positive upshot of this is that even working on oneself for a day will begin to help. You're not going to reach the vast majority of goals in one day. You don't need to. As long as you're taking proactive steps towards them it helps.

However, given that people have insatiable wants and desires, I find it doubtful that people will ever attain a lasting and enduring sense of high self-esteem.

It's a never-ending process. If you stop working on yourself, your self-esteem will start to go down. Haven't you heard folks talk about someone "letting themselves go"? This is what they're talking about. Those folks "fell off the wagon" effecitvely. At any rate, it's worth a shot if you'd like better self-esteem, no? Or maybe you really like complaining/being miserable. Some people do.

Would you say that depression came first or is this a matter of society inflicting pain and suffering on an individual to live up to some standards that we collectively believe in?

The dissonance between shared beliefs and one's own self can be quite burdensome. — Question

The cowboys inflict some pain and suffering on errant members of the herd. There are standards that we collectively believe in. Where depression comes in depends on the individual. For some, depression was in the beginning, is now, and might seem like 'ever shall be' (unless they happen to find some effective drugs, therapy, get more light in the winter, change their life...) For others it is a result of getting herded where they really don't want to go and being harassed by the cowboys too much.

Dissonance between shared beliefs and the self is a given for most people, unless one happens to be the Ideal Type that so fits society's expectations that there is no dissonance. Some people are, most people aren't. Dissonance can serve as an impediment or an imperative, depending. Some say "Conform." I say, "Join the Resistance."

I only need high self-esteem if I have low self-esteem. — unenlightened

One needs a reasonable degree of self-esteem whether one has it or not. The cost of not having enough self-esteem is generally costly for the individual, The cost of having way too much self-esteem is often born by society (after they get elected president).

One needs a reasonable degree of self-esteem whether one has it or not. — Bitter Crank

I disagree. Why does one need it? For what? Can one not tend the garden or wash the dishes without?

Sometimes saints start out suffering from a disorder called scruples (belief that one is evil). Nietzsche had it. So..as much as it's probably true that sans personality no mental illness would exist, the same is true of those in the grave.

I disagree. Why does one need it? For what? Can one not tend the garden or wash the dishes without? — unenlightened

Your response just seems obtuse, blunt, and coarse. Self-esteem is a good feeling about the good of one's being. My guess is that you have it and have no intention of abandoning it.

Using your logic...

I only need high self-esteem if I have low self-esteem. I convince myself of my potency because I feel impotent. — unenlightened

...I would assume the only reason you see no need for self esteem is that you already have it.

Aristotle in Books 8 and 9 of the Nicomachean Ethics argues that self-love is central to being a good man (sic). But this is not hedonistic, it's at the heart of a debate about virtue and goodness. The self-loving man is in tune with the virtuous in himself, his rational and deliberative (part of his) soul. Only thus can he for example be a virtuous friend, by fully immersing himself in the friend's outlook and plight. Or so I read it.

Your response just seems obtuse, blunt, and coarse. Self-esteem is a good feeling about the good of one's being. My guess is that you have it and have no intention of abandoning it. — Bitter Crank

Well of course, I myself see myself as acute, sharp and fine, 8-) but my own condition is entirely beside the point, except just now to illustrate how put-downs tend to provoke put-ups. But I repeat, personally, since you make it so, why should I care whether I am obtuse or acute, blunt or sharp, coarse or fine? How does this good feeling or bad feeling enable or prevent me from posting in whatever manner I post?