Summed up it is just a simple childish heartbreak. Thought I loved him, but oh well. — Lone Wolf
Has faults like everyone else does — Lone Wolf
I think there is a reason why one feels as though their heart is broken and it is not childish to feel that way, a painful longing with the hope that he reciprocates. I thought I loved someone and he treated me rather callously, playing so many games that I was nauseous from the dizziness. It still can reduce me to tears. I then realised this man that I loved was no man at all. He was boy. Although I knew - though I never showed him - that he and I were very similar and that I knew we would get along really well, he was incredibly messed up as a person, despite having a good heart. So was I. The timing was not right and it took years to realise that. Now, I feel empowered, myself, strong and my trajectory is clear and I have never felt this happy. You cannot love others or be in a healthy relationship until you first find the love for yourself and that is when you know what you want.
Your partner should be a reflection of who you are, you should admire them. If you don't, you'll probably end up miserable. You may be heartbroken now, but wounds heal. — TimeLine
Then don't? Pull a sickie and smoke me a kipper. — TimeLine
Work sucks. Start a union and go on strike, make signs, walk in circles, and yell at your replacements. Always go down in flames. — Hanover
You loved him, he cared only for himself, but you interpret yourself as selfish. — Hanover
Maybe you did love him, but he didn't love you. — Hanover
That sucks that he treated you poorly like that. I am very glad this guy doesn't play games. He's usually pretty honest, never led me to believe that he might love me back. Probably the best friend I ever had, but I have to let him go now. It wouldn't be fair or right to hold him back.
You are right, healthy relationships can only work if both people can accept themselves. I've struggled with that for a very long time. To the point of bitter self-hatred. — Lone Wolf
The doctor is back in:I don't think I loved him either. I was more hurt by the confusion he wrought. All I wanted to know was what he wanted (sex, friendship, love, enemies?) and there was a part of me that wanted to give him a shot and another part of me that wanted him to just fuck off. I don't like playing hide and seek, I am very fond of honesty and confidence and it caused me to think I needed to play back, which just made a mess of everything and he never found out the real person that I am because of it. I then realised that this game-playing confirmed we are very different people and it would not have worked out because I want someone mature, someone who does not follow the herd but his heart, who would give up holding onto all that and experience life and he is nothing like that, on the contrary he is almost pathological in his need for approval from others. As friends, though, I still feel like we could have been awesome. You live and learn.
Anyway, nice chat. We should do lunch sometime. — TimeLine
Why is it that you have no difficulty describing his failures to us, but not to him, the only person who actually needed to hear it, and could you have described his failures to him in a caring and supportive way that built him up, not one that justified your annoyance and frustration? — Hanover
Lone Wolf, I think you are highly articulate and your attitude and system of thinking is top notch, but the process of finding that empowerment and love for yourself is not easy. It took me years and I too struggled considerably to find that and even then it can sometimes feel shaky. Relationships with others can make you feel even more vulnerable. The first thing, though, is admitting that you lack this and you are, but it takes time and great deal of effort, something that is hard to see when you feel heartbroken. Sometimes, when people around you - even from childhood - consistently tell you that you are not good enough either directly or indirectly, you are not aware that such reverberations of that negative view become ingrained into the very fabric of your identity that your perceptions become much the same. To find your own voice takes a lot of letting go, a lot of freedom - which is scary - to say that you are going to do things your way and never expect anything from others, even if it is expecting love and respect.
I think you understand by saying that if you loved him you would need to let him go, it is just hard right now, but it will ease soon enough. — TimeLine
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