Summed up it is just a simple childish heartbreak. Thought I loved him, but oh well. — Lone Wolf

I think there is a reason why one feels as though their heart is broken and it is not childish to feel that way, a painful longing with the hope that he reciprocates. I thought I loved someone and he treated me rather callously, playing so many games that I was nauseous from the dizziness. It still can reduce me to tears. I then realised this man that I loved was no man at all. He was boy. Although I knew - though I never showed him - that he and I were very similar and that I knew we would get along really well, he was incredibly messed up as a person, despite having a good heart. So was I. The timing was not right and it took years to realise that. Now, I feel empowered, myself, strong and my trajectory is clear and I have never felt this happy. You cannot love others or be in a healthy relationship until you first find the love for yourself and that is when you know what you want.

Your partner should be a reflection of who you are, you should admire them. If you don't, you'll probably end up miserable. You may be heartbroken now, but wounds heal.

I really don't wanna go to work. — Sapientia

Then don't? Pull a sickie and smoke me a kipper.

Work sucks. Start a union and go on strike, make signs, walk in circles, and yell at your replacements. Always go down in flames.

Awww. I feel your pain. Defending him. It's ok you still love him. All part of the miserable process.

I thought I loved someone and he treated me rather callously, playing so many games that I was nauseous from the dizziness. It still can reduce me to tears — TimeLine

Maybe you did love him, but he didn't love you.

Has faults like everyone else does — Lone Wolf

What? :gasp: What is this I hear? A man that has faults? :chin:
Good lord! I have been buying into NicK's bs that he is a perfect person and everytime he has told me that since we were married. Are you telling me that there are men out there that know they have faults too? :brow:
Geezus...I need to wake NicK up now (at 4:30 am) and give him the news! :up:
brb....

@TimeLine
I am proud of you and so very relieved that things concluded on a solid note with your Mom and to get back with your sister is an awesome plus!
You have done the work, the very hard work that many never face and it shows. One day your inner work might manifest itself in a son or daughter of your own and that is when you will really see how well you have healed and become stronger for having gone through what you have.
I must disclose that I have a proud smile on my face right now for how you handled yourself.
Well done~

Work sucks. — Hanover

Yeah but it doesn't swallow.

Well it does have some standards.

Standards smandards

I think there is a reason why one feels as though their heart is broken and it is not childish to feel that way, a painful longing with the hope that he reciprocates. I thought I loved someone and he treated me rather callously, playing so many games that I was nauseous from the dizziness. It still can reduce me to tears. I then realised this man that I loved was no man at all. He was boy. Although I knew - though I never showed him - that he and I were very similar and that I knew we would get along really well, he was incredibly messed up as a person, despite having a good heart. So was I. The timing was not right and it took years to realise that. Now, I feel empowered, myself, strong and my trajectory is clear and I have never felt this happy. You cannot love others or be in a healthy relationship until you first find the love for yourself and that is when you know what you want.

Your partner should be a reflection of who you are, you should admire them. If you don't, you'll probably end up miserable. You may be heartbroken now, but wounds heal. — TimeLine

:( That sucks that he treated you poorly like that. I am very glad this guy doesn't play games. He's usually pretty honest, never led me to believe that he might love me back. Probably the best friend I ever had, but I have to let him go now. It wouldn't be fair or right to hold him back.

You are right, healthy relationships can only work if both people can accept themselves. I've struggled with that for a very long time. To the point of bitter self-hatred.

I suppose so. If I really loved him, I should be happy to let him go... but instead just a selfish brat.

Lol, yeah. Some people are like that.

Then don't? Pull a sickie and smoke me a kipper. — TimeLine

Damn work ethic. Shakes fist.

Do you know, we had eleven staff off sick in a single day recently? Eleven.

Work sucks. Start a union and go on strike, make signs, walk in circles, and yell at your replacements. Always go down in flames. — Hanover

:razz:

You loved him, he cared only for himself, but you interpret yourself as selfish.

You loved him, he cared only for himself, but you interpret yourself as selfish. — Hanover

So Doc, when is your next opening? :eyes:

I don’t know. He stood by me through a lot of crap that I went through. Not sure where to go now...

I can squeeze you in.

Not sure where to go now... — Lone Wolf

Match.com ? A joke...

:eyes: Lol

I can squeeze you in. — Hanover

Is your rate still a quarter?

A shiny nickel.

A shiny nickel. — Hanover

Damn! All I have is a quarter!

Is it shiny?

Maybe you did love him, but he didn't love you. — Hanover

I don't think I loved him either. I was more hurt by the confusion he wrought. All I wanted to know was what he wanted (sex, friendship, love, enemies?) and there was a part of me that wanted to give him a shot and another part of me that wanted him to just fuck off. I don't like playing hide and seek, I am very fond of honesty and confidence and it caused me to think I needed to play back, which just made a mess of everything and he never found out the real person that I am because of it. I then realised that this game-playing confirmed we are very different people and it would not have worked out because I want someone mature, someone who does not follow the herd but his heart, who would give up holding onto all that and experience life and he is nothing like that, on the contrary he is almost pathological in his need for approval from others. As friends, though, I still feel like we could have been awesome. You live and learn.

Anyway, nice chat. We should do lunch sometime.

That sucks that he treated you poorly like that. I am very glad this guy doesn't play games. He's usually pretty honest, never led me to believe that he might love me back. Probably the best friend I ever had, but I have to let him go now. It wouldn't be fair or right to hold him back.

You are right, healthy relationships can only work if both people can accept themselves. I've struggled with that for a very long time. To the point of bitter self-hatred. — Lone Wolf

The problem was not how he treated me, that is the point, the problem was me because I allowed him to treat me that way and I did not stamp my own self identity into my relations with him and instead followed his method of courting, whatever the fuck his method was. I should have stopped him right from the beginning and taken control, if I knew what I wanted. That was because I didn't really understand what it was that I wanted in a man and perhaps even had a bias toward the traditional attitude to courting that expects a man to be in control. It is actually really hard to find someone that aligns with what you want, meaning that we tend to feel we need to make concessions and perhaps to some degree we have no choice in that, but not the major things, things that mean something to you.

Lone Wolf, I think you are highly articulate and your attitude and system of thinking is top notch, but the process of finding that empowerment and love for yourself is not easy. It took me years and I too struggled considerably to find that and even then it can sometimes feel shaky. Relationships with others can make you feel even more vulnerable. The first thing, though, is admitting that you lack this and you are, but it takes time and great deal of effort, something that is hard to see when you feel heartbroken. Sometimes, when people around you - even from childhood - consistently tell you that you are not good enough either directly or indirectly, you are not aware that such reverberations of that negative view become ingrained into the very fabric of your identity that your perceptions become much the same. To find your own voice takes a lot of letting go, a lot of freedom - which is scary - to say that you are going to do things your way and never expect anything from others, even if it is expecting love and respect.

I think you understand by saying that if you loved him you would need to let him go, it is just hard right now, but it will ease soon enough.

I don't think I loved him either. I was more hurt by the confusion he wrought. All I wanted to know was what he wanted (sex, friendship, love, enemies?) and there was a part of me that wanted to give him a shot and another part of me that wanted him to just fuck off. I don't like playing hide and seek, I am very fond of honesty and confidence and it caused me to think I needed to play back, which just made a mess of everything and he never found out the real person that I am because of it. I then realised that this game-playing confirmed we are very different people and it would not have worked out because I want someone mature, someone who does not follow the herd but his heart, who would give up holding onto all that and experience life and he is nothing like that, on the contrary he is almost pathological in his need for approval from others. As friends, though, I still feel like we could have been awesome. You live and learn.

Anyway, nice chat. We should do lunch sometime. — TimeLine

The doctor is back in:

Why is it that you have no difficulty describing his failures to us, but not to him, the only person who actually needed to hear it, and could you have described his failures to him in a caring and supportive way that built him up, not one that justified your annoyance and frustration?

When we meet for lunch, bring me my nickel.

Why is it that you have no difficulty describing his failures to us, but not to him, the only person who actually needed to hear it, and could you have described his failures to him in a caring and supportive way that built him up, not one that justified your annoyance and frustration? — Hanover

He would not allow me. This is exactly what I wanted to do above all else, to sit with him and talk, but he played games as a strategy to avoid the possibility that I may reject him and his intense affection was often matched with intense anger, which would frighten me and why I was confused about what he actually wanted and how I could communicate with him. I tried to express that I cared for him with that in mind so that he might open up and feel more comfortable talking to me knowing that he wasn't going to be rejected, tried to articulate his faults through fictional stories and suggesting personal examples as a comparative means to get him to acknowledge his behaviour and perhaps even to feel empathy because I felt that anything direct - no matter how gentle I express it - he would not be capable of accepting, and conversely I was frightened of the potential reaction he may have that I was left conflicted between whether or not I should even be helping him that in the end all that was left was a series of bullshit stories and no actual communication. He knows nothing about me. I failed because of what you say, that was all that I wanted and I was working around his madness trying to figure out ways we could actually talk.

Lone Wolf, I think you are highly articulate and your attitude and system of thinking is top notch, but the process of finding that empowerment and love for yourself is not easy. It took me years and I too struggled considerably to find that and even then it can sometimes feel shaky. Relationships with others can make you feel even more vulnerable. The first thing, though, is admitting that you lack this and you are, but it takes time and great deal of effort, something that is hard to see when you feel heartbroken. Sometimes, when people around you - even from childhood - consistently tell you that you are not good enough either directly or indirectly, you are not aware that such reverberations of that negative view become ingrained into the very fabric of your identity that your perceptions become much the same. To find your own voice takes a lot of letting go, a lot of freedom - which is scary - to say that you are going to do things your way and never expect anything from others, even if it is expecting love and respect.

I think you understand by saying that if you loved him you would need to let him go, it is just hard right now, but it will ease soon enough. — TimeLine

I wish it were top notch, it sure feels like crap right now. You are right, I think, that it becomes part of one's identity eventually. Self-hatred becomes who one is, and scorns oneself as much as he or she thinks everyone else scorns him or her. A delusion, no doubt, but it seems impossible at the moment to get out of it.

The part I enjoyed most during heartbreak was finally being able to truly understand what 90% of the songs on the radio really meant. So, enjoy this time listening to the radio with your super powers of understanding.

https://youtu.be/e9BLw4W5KU8

lol, thanks.