One upon a time, there was a clear pond that was undisturbed by humans. There was sign next to it saying that anyone who disturbs this pond will not go to heaven when they die. The village folks that resided next to pond were devoutly religious. Nobody knew who put up the sign, but even so they were terrified to go near that pond.

Years and years past and the sign warning about disturbing the pond remained intact. Most of the folks in the village thought there was something supernatural about the sign because it didn't make sense that the sign will withstand the wear and tear of the weather through the ages. However in the village there was an extremely wise man. He knew that the sign said, "Those who disturb this sign will not go to heaven." He dared not disturb the pond, but he was still suspicious of the sign. After pondering for days he came up with a plan to see what was going on at the pond.

Near the village there was a hill that was a perfect view of the environment. You could even see the pond with binoculars. So the wise man climbed on top of the hill and looked in his binoculars. He waited and waited until he saw a dog take sip of water. The wise man gasped because it was common knowledge that all dogs go to heaven. And if a dog is disturbing the pond, and all dogs go to heaven, the sign is false.

The wise man reasoned that some crazy environmentalists wanted to keep humans away from the pond and made a sign scaring everyone away from it. The wise man wanted to show this mysterious environmentalist a lesson. So he went over to the pond and dumped his collection purple dye into the pond. And the pond was forever known as the Purple Pond. The end.

It said: — Mr Phil O'Sophy

"Danger! Trolls up ahead!".

The wise old man thought about this for a while, and then he decided to continue on, around the pond, heading in the direction of what appeared to be a bridge in the distance.

As he drew ever closer to the bridge, he began to reminisce about times past, and those closest to him: his family.

His mother, in particular.

His mother was a brave women whom he deeply admired. Though she was short in stature, she could strike fear into the hearts of anyone who dared to challenge her. In his long life, the wise old man had only once seen fear in her deep blue eyes, and that was when his father was on his deathbed. When the hour of his departure drew near, the old man remembered his father crying out suddenly, and his mum got scared. She said, "You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air." He whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said "fresh" and it had dice in the mirror. If anything, he could say that this cab was rare. But he thought, "Nah, forget it. Yo home to Bel-Air!" He pulled up to the house about seven or eight, and he yelled to the cabby "Yo homes, smell ya later!". He looked at his kingdom. He was finally there. To sit on his throne, as the prince of Bel-Air.

The troll stared intensely into the wise old mans face and said: — Mr Phil O'Sophy

"Is it worth it?

Let me work it.

I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it.

Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gnaht ym tup i.

Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gnaht ym tup i".

And the wise old man did indeed walk away and leave him alone. He walked and walked, for miles and over days, until he was finally back at his little old house, in his little old neighbourhood.

And as the wise old man entered his little old house, he noticed a dusty old mirror hanging on a dusty old wall. Into that dusty old mirror the wise old man glanced. But he couldn't quite see clearly into it, the reflection was as dim as his wit. And so he gave it a wipe with the sleeve of his little old coat.

The wise old man let out a gasp. And, at the same time, a little wind escaped from between his little old butt cheeks.

To his surprise, in the reflection of his little old mirror, the wise old man saw none other than the troll who had been tormenting him staring right back at him.

A realisation struck the wise old man like his whore of a mother used to strike him when he was a wee young lad and had been caught spying on her whilst she was in the bath. The realisation struck him that he was neither wise, nor a man.

He was a troll.

A filthy old troll, covered in slime and his own ejaculate.

In his horror, it dawned on him that he had answered his own question from earlier: "Well hurry and answer me, you damn fool! And why did that sign say 'Trolls'; as in plural; when there's only bloody one of you?".

There were, in a sense, bloody two of him: two foolish trolls, as such. He was both foolish troll, and foolish troll who had mistaken himself to be a wise old man.

The End.

New story!

There once was a kid who would always overthink things. In fact he was nicknamed 'Overthinker" by his peers. Overthinker loved to think about things so much he often got carried away. There was always an aloof expression on his face.

The kids in his school found him an easy target to bully because when insulted Overthinker would always overthink the comeback. For example, when a kid insulted him by saying, "you need testosterone replacement therapy cause' you ain't got no balls", Overthinker just stood there with a vague expression on his face trying to figure out what the bully meant by "balls". The bully would laugh at Overthinker, "hey Overthinker, what's the matter? Are you too stupid understand what I just told you? Overthinker walked away and felt really sorry about himself. When he got home after a day of overthinking the insult over and over in his head, he cried to his to his mother, "I cant stand it, I keep overthinking things all the time, why can't I stop overthinking? His mother said, "don't worry son, your father and me are both academic philosophers. You've just inherited our genes to think a lot. When you grow older and become a philosopher yourself, your abilty to overthink things will come in handy. And Overthinker for once stopped overthinking things and said to himself, "gee a philosophical profession would be nice."

But the boy continued to be bullied. It took a terrific toll on his thinking capacity. He learned to be quicker with snide comments and half assed replies to things he did not like.
He became a philosophy forum troll.

Every story so far involved the protagonist turning out to be a troll. Interesting.. Love the troll idea, but it's starting to get old. Can someone please tell us a story that does not involve the use of trolls? It would be much appreciated. :ok:

Once upon a time, a long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...

There was a troll.

Here's my creative writing story. Let me know what you think. I call it "War and Peace."

Once upon a time there was a man named Jack and he had a son and brother named Jack. Jack was talking to Jack and he said that he wanted to go to the store, so Jack went to the store but he forgot Jack. His nephew was like, "what?" and Jack said to him that he shouldn't have left Jack, so Jack got all up in Jack's face and Jack and Jack went at it.

The setting for this story is a field. Jack, Jack, and Jack are in a field. The field is green and it's on the edge of Towntown. There's this butcher in Towntown and he had a red wagon with a broken wheel, but the broken wheel was inside the wagon, not attached to the wagon, so it didn't affect the wagon rolling, but it was so big, there was no more space inside the wagon for Jack because Jack was big. Because Jack was so big only Jack could fit inside the wagon because Jack was small.

Anyway, Jack was butchering a lamb with a club and trying to force it down a tiny pipe when Jack asked him if he could borrow the wheel. Jack said "sure," so Jack pulled the wheel off the wagon so it wouldn't roll and now the bloody lamb died. Jack used his foot to force the lamb into the pipe as Jack rolled the 3 wheeled wagon away with the big wheel in it named Kevin.

So Kevin rolled down the street pulled by Jack with Jack in it. The lamb twitched and the pipe was needed for the church organ, so Jack blew the blood from the pipe and put it in Kevin. The pipe got named Lisa and that was what it was called until the name change in Chapter 4.

The theme of this story is that you don't know what you've got until it's gone. Once Kevin tipped over and Lisa rolled away and the lamb died, Jack cried but Jack didn't care. "It really just depends upon who you are," mused Jack.

We need to talk about Kevin.

We need to talk about Kevin. — S

Yes, yes we do.

I liked the bit where they all had ice-cream and talked about the ball game.

The rest was shit.

(Now some dick is going to come along and say it's just as good as Hamlet and opinion and brain state and objective subjective trifle pineapple preference. Or some such.)

With your permission, I'd like to put your review on the back cover of my book.

:eyes: :lol:

Can someone please tell us a story that does not involve the use of trolls? — Purple Pond

Once upon a time, a long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...

There was a troll. — S

:chin:

There wasn't a troll.

There once was a philosopher who doubted everything. He even doubted that he existed. Descartes famous argument that you can't doubt that you exist didn't phase him because he not only he doubted the logic, he doubted that he ever heard the argument. When he expressed his doubt to other philosophers, the philosophers pointed out that you can't doubt that your doubting. But he doubted it anyways.

The philosopher's wife was very frustrated with him because it is very hard to talk to a man who doubts everything you say. Even when his wife would say, "I want to have sex with you", he would reply, "I doubt it". His wife eventually gave up on him because she knew she couldn't convince him to give up his doubts, and she left him. The philosopher didn't feel sad because he doubted he ever had a wife.

Time goes by and the philosopher still doesn't believe in anything, he only does things out of habit. He loses his job, his money, and friends. The philosopher didn't care, he doubted he had any of those things. Letters come in the mail, but he didn't bother to look. He soon runs out of food, the lights turn off, no water comes out of the tap. And yet still, the philosopher does nothing.

Eventually the philosopher starves to death inside his house. His soul escapes his body to heaven where he gets judged by God. God asks him questions, but the philosopher refuses to answer because he doubted that God was talking to him. So God sends him down to hell for disrespecting him.

Hell turns out to be a terrible place full of fire, the smell feces, and annoying sounds. The devil asks the philosopher, "do you know where you are". And for once the philosopher snapped out of his doubt and replies miserably, "I'm in hell".

Ooh, that was a really good one. :up:

Bet you are think that the devil is a troll. :naughty:

What's a troll?

What's a troll? — S

A supernatural being that usually lives in a cave. That is why we do not see too many of them around here. They hate enlightenment.

Nice to see that even at Easter you are ignoring the Easter eggs. :clap:

What's a Easter?

What's a Easter? — S

Nice one mate. :cool:

There once was a girl that loved to write. She never had a blank moment on her mind where she couldn't think of anything. So she wrote, and she wrote beautifully. She even found a philosophy forum where she could write her philosophical views. The moderators soon got very frustrated because, although she wrote beautifully, she started a discussion every single day.

One day, one of the moderators but his foot down and wrote to her in a private message, "Please slow down your thread creation. We love what you write, but it's a bit too much. Why don't you give yourself a break and post less frequently?" The girl was a reasonable person and agreed to write less.

At first, she was fine writing less, but as the days went on she couldn't restrain herself from her desire to write. So she decided to leave the site and join a forum solely about debating the existence of God. The girl loved the site because she was an atheist and had a lot to say about the existence of God (or lack thereof). The site had very lax moderators and didn't mind how much she wrote.

She argued, and argued, with the theists at the forum until the theists got upset with her because they couldn't keep up with her writing pace. For example, while the theist would provide three arguments for the existence of God, the girl posted twenty counter arguments. The theists stopped arguing with her and started attacking and trolling her. But the girl was a pleasant girl and thought that it was best to leave the site because she didn't like how the discussions degraded into ad hominem attacks on her.

The girl got really frustrated because she couldn't find a forum that suited her. Every forum she joined ran into similar problems. Eventually she gives up forum writing and starts emailing her friends and colleagues. But alas, her friends and colleagues couldn't keep up with her. She asks herself, "Is there nowhere where I can write and spread my ideas?" And she thinks to herself, "Well of course there is! I can write books!". So, she starts writing book, after book, and they were excellent books.

She continued writing books until she got very rich doing so and decided to make an online forum. This forum was like the Amazon of forums, it contained every category you could imagine. The forum was so successful that everyone was using it, and it even caused most of the forums on the internet to close down due to lack of activity. She searched online for those forums that had a problem with her and she found out they were now dead domains. Finally she is contented, and says to herself, "Justice!"

In my professional opinion, I think it would've been a better ending if, instead of saying to herself, "Justice!", she said to herself, "Horseradish!".

"Horseradish — S

Ugh, don't remind me of that. We had enough of that on our Passover Seder.

The year is 2119, and the world is a very different place. Sea levels rose and consumed most of the land. There are only a few patches of heavily crowded land remaining. Conservatives who denied global warming for the most part of the last century and a half, were wrong. Planet earth did get warmer and with it the sea levels rose. After millions of people, most in third world countries, died as a result of loss shelter due to global warming, as a result conservationism declined deeply in popularity.

With the decline of conservatism came the rise of the liberals and their dreams of a more equal society. The new liberal countries invested heavily on science, technology, education, and the environment. The result were more educated people who took up new high tech jobs. Social mobility rose, and the top one percent of the richest people controlled less than two percent of wealth. Inequality has been less than it ever was. Everything seemed to be under control, until they came.

Aliens. Thousands of spacecraft from an unknown planet landed on the oceans where they floated without problem, as if they were on land. When the aliens got out of their spacecraft they had on them gear that allowed them to fly freely. They looked like miniature iron men. Their whole body was covered by a layer of armor which concealed their face. They swarmed towards the few patches of land.

Since the countries of the world were lead by die hard liberals, and they lacked hawkish military leaders, the consensus was not to engage fire with the aliens. And luckily they did not because the aliens tended to friendly kind humanoids, and came in peace. Their technology was vastly superior to humans and were willing to share it. They had special equipment that allowed translation from alien language to human language, and back.

When the aliens communicated with the world leaders, it turns out that they were hiding out on Mars When asked why didn't they choose to visit earth sooner. The answer was that they were at peace on Mars and felt no need to visit earth. Asked why they are here now, and they replied, "They are coming. We are here to protect Earth from a hostile race of aliens coming to invade the planet and strip it of its natural resources." The liberal leaders groaned and one of them says, "I thought we never had to deal with conservatives again".

Probably not the best story I could write, but then again I didn't sleep for the last two days.

These stories aren't putting me to sleep. :sad: