I'm not interested in the sex life of others, unless it inolves me. So, I don't find myself asking people about their preferences or relationships or what they like to do. I find it hard to believe any person would be interested in mine, and don't go around volunteering information about it.

Let's just take the mystery and fun out of everything by talking it to death. I demur. I think people who talk a lot about sex are boring, vulgar, and self-obsessed. There's enough talk about everything these days anyway and not enough doing, knowing, and being.

So, I agree (and then some) with @jamalrob @fdrake and @Ciceronianus the White.

The only caveat I would add, as others have, is that when two people are already intimate then there's no reason not to share intimacies, including sexual intimacies. That's what being intimate is about. But if you're intimate with everyone, you're intimate with no-one.

Being intimate means sharing personal, deep maybe dark details, thoughts, feelings and convictions, feel affection, trust and feel safe with someone. I don't see how you could not be this with everyone. It feels like you mix Intimacy with a monogamous relationship.

Why are people self-obsessed if they talk about sex often?

I don't see how you could not be this with everyone. — ttjordy

That's where we differ.

It feels like you mistaks. Intimacy with a monogamous relationship. — ttjordy

No, no mention of monogamy by me. The "two people" is not exclusive.

Why are people self-obsessed if they talk about sex often? — ttjordy

Because they think everyone should listen to their

deep maybe dark details, thoughts, feelings and convictions — ttjordy

Not realising that many people not only don't care, they don't want to hear it. If those that were very open about sex were less self-obsessed that would be important enough for them to stop doing it. But they don't care because they think this stuff, because it's important to them, should be important to others.

Interesting points you raise indeed.

Just one person's opinion. A lot of it boils down to taste.

But they don't care because they think this stuff, because it's important to them, should be important to others. — Baden

Ok, anything you say is because we believe/deem it to be important right?

But I get your point.

If they don't say to me that they don't want to hear about it, how am I to know? It works both ways.

Ok, anything you say is because we believe/deem it to be important right? — ttjordy

Not everything. Hence, "small talk" etc. But certainly subjects you've yourself described as "deep" and as "convictions" would fall in that category.

If they don't say to me that they don't want to hear about it, how am I to know? It works both ways. — ttjordy

Common sense based on shared cultural norms. So, for example, if I'm having lunch with a female friend, I don't begin the conversation by telling her how much I love anal sex (or whatever) because that to me would be inappropriate. And it's inappropriate because of the likelihood it would make her uncomfortable . Of course, it kind of depends on your circle of friends, but it's just like anything else, it's sometimes a breach of decorum/etiquette to say certain things in certain contexts. The fact that these things may be true is irrelevant. You don't get brownie points for honesty when you're volunteering information that hasn't been requested and is of no obvious value to the person receiving it.

This reminds me of an amusing story about a guy I once new in my early twenties. We (a bunch of lads) were taking about whether women liked anal sex and he piped up quite seriously:

"That's one of the first things I ask them."

:lol:

See, that's funny for a reason.

Politics is public, sex is private — jamalrob

I heard the pubic was political.

Being intimate means sharing personal, deep maybe dark details — ttjordy

Sure, but if you have a large collection of dark details (whatever that might be) one should save those details for a time when the relationship is mature. Dumping dark details on the unprepared might cause them to bolt for the door.

Yes, I've know people who mulch dark thoughts, dark feelings, etc. A sampling of dark shadows is OK, but if you have a lot to unload, pay somebody to listen.

I think people who talk a lot about sex are boring, vulgar, and self-obsessed — Baden

I totally know this was intended for me.

The way you talk about sex is too stupid to be considered seriously, so you escape the admonition. You're welcome.

The way you talk about sex is too stupid to be considered seriously, so you escape the admonition. You're welcome — Baden

When you talk this way, I just want to hold you delicately against my bosom, wipe your tender tears with my tongue, and slowly hate fuck your bowels until you fall fast asleep.

Want stupid sex talk, I'll give you stupid sex talk.

You're welcome.

Yeah, ironical in a way. Some girls may be amused by that as first question and directness. But I am being annying dude, i apologise. I totally get it. I am raised with some etiquetttes and codes of conduct. But actually these are conditioned thinkings and convictions that it's weird to talk about anal sex on the first date. Why ahould it really? If you think about it, I can come up with no logical, rational reason why you should avoid it.

I remember one girl asked me if I was into watersports. So I asked nicely if she meant sexual or sportive. Then she replied: what is the sexual type then? Hahh

Im into both by the way.

@Baden@Hanover Over time I’ve become convinced you two are either married or a lifelong couple!

Such strong love and respect bubbling under the surface :D

Im into both by the way. — ttjordy

Nobody cares, except for your sexual partners, and maybe some of your friends. This is what Baden was talking about: it's a sign of self-obsession that you think we're interested. In fact, my first reaction to your OP was that you were here just to talk about your sex life, and disguised this with a discussion about ethics. And now that, disappointingly, nobody has asked you about it, you've begun to tell us anyway.

That's the cynical interpretation, anyway.

On the other hand, I have felt the urge to talk a lot about sex during those periods when my sex life has been particularly good, and maybe that's what is going on with you now. When I felt that urge, it didn't feel like self-obsession, but more like an innocent enthusiasm: isn't sex great!

I think that's okay, but best among friends who you know are going to enjoy the conversation.

I wouldn't necessarily be against a "What Are You Into?" thread in the Lounge. Could be interesting (not that I'll be taking part).

I am simply telling an anecdote. I am aware that last information did not really add anything to the discussion. But that's okay, I am still human. I.can not have a 100% rational discussion without getting interested or excited or worked up. I also found it lame not to tell my response to her reply.

No problem. But I'm going to stand by my analysis until proven wrong :razz:

I appreciate the cricism by the way.

Any time.

I have been told and I think it too by the way I can be very obsessed with sex. I tried to talk about it in therapy, but apprently there was no room for that kind of addiction. Immature babies… so there is definitely frustration into the lines I write from my part. My apologies.

Nobody cares, except for your sexual partners, and maybe some of your friends. This is what Baden was talking about: it's a sign of self-obsession that you think we're interested. In fact, my first reaction to your OP was that you were here just to talk about your sex life, and disguised this with a discussion about ethics — jamalrob

It's always hard to know. There was at a class at my university that others told me about that explored the meaning of pornography in society, which required a bunch of 20 year old students to watch graphic videos from time to time in class. It was taught by a female professor.

The idea that these students (and the professor) transcended their personal sexual drives and were actually engaged in objective academic study was comical to me, especially then and pretty much now.

That's not to say there's nothing to say academically on the subject, but I wasn't buying it. So I do get what you're saying., but my response typically is the opposite from yours, which isn't to disengage from the bs, but to jump right in and make mockery.

Anywho, enough of this talk. Time to roll off top my sister and get ready for work.

Well put.

Interesting points you raise indeed. — ttjordy

For if you want another datapoint:

If we're talking about talking about sex, I don't find it distasteful when people do, unless it's exaggerated/bragging and their past partners are the butt of every bragging joke. Hearing decontextualised gory details is boring to me if I'm not involved in them, or if they're not presented with a good joke that shows some insight. I wouldn't talk about the intimate details of my current sex life in a public setting, unless it was a problem with my current sex life I was confiding in a very close friend. I'd probably keep my voice down in that case.

I'd hesitate to say "this is how things must be done", or to essentialise my attitudes towards sex, or to derive ironclad norms of conduct (how it ought to be done or talked about...) from my preferences.

have been told and I think it too by the way I can be very obsessed with sex. I tried to talk about it in therapy, but apprently there was no room for that kind of addiction. Immature babies… so there is definitely frustration into the lines I write from my part. My apologies. — ttjordy

I don't follow the comment about the unavailability of therapy for sex related issues. Maybe you just had the wrong therapist.

What about a paedophile? Should he/she be open about his/her sex?

He/she may just be castrated for that.

I believe in less harsh punishment for paedophilia, but not for some cases of rape.

'Viewing material' cases do not warrant castration, no matter how much people hate it.

As I just said in a different thread. I don't care about your children as much as, per se, my adult year friend.

I also have respect for the mind and am able to judge that our civilization is very evil.

Some people will urge differently than what's accepted.

If human justice wants to appear moral, then punishing any sexuality is bad, especially prior to the administration of such.

I consider "I will cut your dick off", a worse sexual act than paedophilic urges, and I don't want my children to think this man exists.

To conclude, I believe we should all be able to be open about our sex, but advertising or grooming is bad in some circles.