Man walks into a bar, and he's got an orange for a head. So the bartender is all like "wtf happened to you?" The guy replies "well, I found this genie that said it would give me three wishes, right? The first wish, I asked for a new house. The second wish, I asked for a new car. The last wish, I asked for an orange for a head..."

Is this equivocation? Orange and head? I didn't understand the joke:-|

Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?

Zeno walks halfway into a bar.

The following is a series of short conversations between a Soviet military adviser and an Egyptian general which took place during the Yom Kippur War (aka October War) of 1973. To give a little context, the Egyptians made significant territorial gains through a surprise attack which caught the Israelis off guard, but then faced a vigorous counterattack.

Egyptian General: We're getting pushed back, what should we do?
Soviet Adviser: Retreat!

Egyptian General: We've lost all the territory we'd originally gained, what should we do?
Soviet Adviser: Retreat!

Egyptian General: The Israelis have now advanced well inside our borders, what should we do?
Soviet Adviser: Retreat!

Egyptian General: We run the risk of being completely overwhelmed, and having our entire nation come under Israeli occupation, what should we do now that retreat is no longer an option?!
Soviet Adviser: Now......we wait for winter!


Yeah, I know, pretty lame.

Musta went over your orange.

Q: Why did the little girl drop her ice cream cone?
A: She got hit by a bus.

Q: What is worse than a full worm in an apple?
A: The holocaust.

Q: What is brown and sticky?
A: A brown stick.

Q: What is blue and smells like green paint?
A: Blue paint.

I'll be here all night.

:D

Zeno walks halfway into a bar. — Michael

:)

How do you confuse a blond? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.

An Irishman walks out of a bar.

That one needs more of a build up.

Man walks into a bar and pauses: at the other end of the bar, there's this guy with a big orange head. Just kind of sitting there, mooning into his drink. So the man asks the bartender, "Say, what's up with the guy with the big orange head?" And the bartender says, "It's an interesting story. Buy him a drink and maybe he'll tell it to you." So the man walks over and introduces himself and offers to buy a round. The guy with the big orange head says, "Yeah, I'll bet you want to know the story, huh?" To which the man replies, "Sure, if you don't mind." The man with the big orange head sighs and says, "You know, I've gone over it in my mind a million times. Basically, it's like this: I was walking along the beach one day, when I stubbed my toe on something. I looked down, and there was an antique brass lamp. I picked it up and dusted it off a little -- when all of a sudden this enormous genie pops out! "The genie thundered, 'You have released me from my ten-thousand year imprisonment, and I am in your debt. I will grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude.' The man at the bar is agape. The guy with the big orange head continues: "So I said, 'Wow, okay. Well, my first wish is to be fantastically wealthy.' "The genie says, 'Your wish is granted.' And all of a sudden I have rings on my fingers and a crown on my head, and my wallet is full of money and a dozen ATM cards and the deed to a mansion in the hills -- I mean, I was loaded! "So I said, 'Amazing! Okay, for my next wish , I want to be married to the most beautiful woman in the world.' "The genie says, 'Your wish is granted.' And the ocean parts, and out walks this gorgeous woman in this beautiful dress, and she takes my hand and we fall in love and the genie marries us right there. It was incredible. "The genie booms, 'You have one wish remaining.'" The man with the big orange head pauses and sips his beer. He says, "Now, you know, this may be where I went wrong. I wished for a big orange head. — https://www.anti-joke.com/posts/17547-man-walks-into-a-bar-and-pauses-at-the-other-end-of-the-bar-there-s-this-guy-with-a-big-orange-head-just-kind

Well, I didn't invent it. I remember reading that it was voted by comedians as the best joke in some poll. The joke being that the punchline is not something you'd see coming. You'd think that he got tricked or some such, or otherwise was a victim of hi-jinks, but it turns out that he just wanted an orange for a head.

I don't think that the build up makes it any better, verbosity rarely improves anything in my view.

I don't think that the build up makes it any better, verbosity rarely improves anything in my view. — Wosret

Jokes with anticlimactic punchlines work best if they're long. The humour is in the build up of expectation that is never satisfied. It just doesn't work as well with a short joke.

It's not anticlimatic. It's both unexpected and absurd. In either case, I'm bored by the end of long jokes, my attention span isn't that long.

I think the absolutely funniest jokes are those where Wosret and Michael analyze them for funniness.

There was this kid who was born, and he seemed like a normal enough kid except for the fact that he was really quiet. He was so quiet, in fact, that he never made a sound. His parents took him to the doctor, and they were assured that he was physically and mentally fine, he just wouldn't make any sound, and he wouldn't talk at all. When all the other kids cooed and made sounds, he remained silent. When the other kids started school and laughed, played, and asked all sorts of questions, he never made a peep. He was normal in every way, even seemed bright, but he just didn't talk. His parents brought him to therapists, but nothing would help. He just remained quiet.

1st grade came and went, as did all of elementary school, then came middle school, playing sports, making friends, having his first girlfriend, joining clubs, going to high school, excelling at school. He was normal in every way, just never made a sound.

One day, soon after he finished high school and was preparing to go to college, he was sitting at the table eating dinner and he leaned over to his father and said "pass the butter." Amazed, his father seeing he could speak perfectly well, asked why he had never spoken in all these years.

He said, "everything was fine until now."
----
So there was this dog and its owner thought it was really, really shaggy, so it's owner put it in the town shaggy dog contest. The dog competed against the best in the town, and it was found to be the shaggiest dog and it was given the first place medal.

The dog then entered the county shaggy dog contest, and when faced with the competition of the other town winners, it still prevailed. The judges remarked at how amazingly shaggy it was.

The dog then went to the state shaggy dog contest. Every county winner faced off against this dog, but there was no contest at all, the dog was so shaggy, it instantly took first place.

Then came the region state shaggy dog contest. Shaggy dogs from all over came to compete. One judge's jaw dropped open when he saw this dog and declared him the winner because he was so incredibly shaggy.

The national contest then arose, and the shaggiest dogs from all over the nation were brought together, but it was a simple decision. This dog was the shaggiest and it took the first place trophy.

The dogs from all over the Americas were summoned and pitted against one another in a huge showdown of shagginess. As it would have it, it was not close, this dog was again declared the shaggiest of them all.

The dog then competed against dogs from all over the world , winning every local contest that there was. It was not even close.

Finally, there was the elite cumulative international shaggy dog contest, where only the shaggiest dogs from the world over were invited to attend for the ultimate shaggy dog contest. The dogs were brought before the judges one at a time, spun around, inspected, and then judged.

The judge said, "that dog's not that shaggy."

I've heard that analyzing jokes makes them not funny before. Many many times in fact, must make it so. To dig ma grave deeper, I think that an analyses, is usually not funny, until done comedically, which is possible, and that goes pretty much without saying, but I don't think that a joke becomes less funny when explained, it's just the explanation itself which is usually unfunny.

Seems like just a stuck up thing that people say to make people that don't get the joke feel even stupider, and not wish to admit to not getting it, and just laugh anyway. That's the polite thing to do.

I don't read posts that long, not even my own.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shaggy_dog_story

See, I'm immune.

I was thinking of just responding to your post by saying "Eat Shit," but I thought you might not see the humor and would be insulted, when really I meant it as just an amusing and shocking assault.

Now that I've explained my joke, can I use it next time without fear of anger? Feel free to do the same to me. In fact, what I want to do is start using it as my signature sign off. Like, instead of saying "sincerely" or something like that.

Eat Shit,
Hanover

I'm insulted that you would think that I'm that easily insulted. Even though I would have been insulted, as most things insult me...

I just didn't know what might insult you, so I was trying to be sensitive. So often I accidently insult people, saying things that I never imagined might be offensive, only to find out later I committed some faux pas.

I'm just really trying to get better at thinking about other people's feelings.

Eat Shit,
Hanover

An Irishman walks out of a bar. — Michael

I did that once. The toilet was broken.



I'm getting a weird sense of deja vu here.



Remember that time I wrote an insult and you got insulted because you thought it was about you even though it wasn't. And @Banno reckoned the insult wasn't even that insulting anyway. Though it was supposed to be. Though not to you.

I'm not sure what insults me either, really. Can't say in advance, better to just not care, or continue to worry about it. Either one.

That's impossible! I don't actually recall, but it probably didn't happen.

I do actually hope that you'll elaborate though. I've been primed to avoid feeling and expressing being insulted now, so do your worst.

I've been primed to avoid feeling and expressing being insulted now, so do your worst. — Wosret

You're a failed abortion whose birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.

Really. It was on the old PF. I don't remember the details but it was maybe ten lines of hyperbole. You apologized afterwards for being insulted by me and I gracefully accepted.

I don't see why the condom factory should be implicated in the abortion failure.

'cause obviously you were unwanted and the pregnancy itself was Durex's fault.

Although I suppose your parents were somewhat to blame. But then how is a Canadian to know that a brother and sister can have babies?