Adding to this (hopefully for clarity) and then I'll come back with some specifics relating to your comments:
In the mirror, we see the grammatized self, and of course it’s not perfect but we want a “perfect” fit and there is a block to that that prevents validation.
Validation is a key concept here. Integration with the socio-symbolic installs in us the desire for validation. That is that we should see in our actions a reflection of its demands.
We should note here that its fundamental demand is inherent. It inheres in the fact that our experience of the world is split. The leading edge of experience is immediately formatted in a way that negativises it. The world is no longer presented in its full positivity. The world in-itself is what it is, cannot be what it is not, and is therefore an absolute positivity, but the creation of a system of symbolic structure inserts gaps into it. A scaffold is not a block, a web is not a sheet. For there to be conceptual understanding, there must be the creation of such negativity, of nothingness, and from this, the subject- object distinction.
The object in this dynamic becomes more than what it is and also less. It is more than what it is in that it is not just its physical reality, it is now also its conceptual reality. And it is less than what it is because the imposition of the socio-symbolic on sensory data is always a kind of reductive formatting. We do not feel the object fully as a pure significance of sense, that purity of significance is sculpted conceptually, and, in the shaping, something is lost, just as in the sculpting of a block we lose some of its physical substance to create an abstract substance as represented by the sculpted form, we lose some of the sentient substance of the object through its sculpting by conceptualisation.
For a pre-linguistic child, the object is pure significance. It is unified with the movement of its inner desire such that that desire functions in a purely reactive way according to the possibilities of urge and restraint. The world demands from without and within simultaneously and the child is satisfied or denied in that pure relation. The mother’s breast is an inner potential, an unfolding promise of the self rather than what we understand as an object. It is a unified reservoir of being which the child shares as its own being.
As objects are conceptualised through grammatization, so is the child self-conceptualised as subject, as a separation from its environment and others that must now connect through the socio-symbolic mediator. The “Big Other” is the guardian both of the world and the self. It gives us the world and the self-in-the-world, but the debt we must pay is that what we get can never be the “pure” world as a unified self-world. Our life world is infused with the negativity of grammatization, of mediated functionalities, of a “right” way of seeing things such that the demand, the moral demand inheres at its most basic level in the object as such. That is, the lamp demands to be seen as a “lamp”. The table demands to be seen as a “table”. Our base level conceptually-bound reactivity is our first step into the moral world. Such are we taught how to acquiesce. Such are our sensory instincts domesticated. This is the primeval bow to the socio-symbolic, the initial humiliation and our initiation ritual into its sphere.
And so are built higher orders of acquiescence. We join concepts and speak the language of the socio-symbolic both to others and to ourselves. It becomes our subjective and objective world. And then we accept the particular situational interpretations of the sociosymbolic. We acquiesce there too. This is a lamp (the primeval bow), I speak of it as a lamp (linguistic acquiescence), and I treat it as others do (situational acquiescence). These orders of sentient castration are overwhelming. What we know as “freedom” is given to us too as a socio-symbolic “object”. We bow first to “freedom” by understanding the concept, and then by speaking of it, and then by treating it as others do. Freedom in this way becomes just another reactivity, even in immediate reflection.
But we must reflect on our reflections. I think of freedom this way and why? And why, further, do I think this way in general? And why, further, do I think at all?. Only reflections of reflections can take us back to our origins. Yet still the route must be mediated. There is no way to cancel the contract that was signed for us with the blood of our unified world-relation, our pure sentience, That blood is set and dried. We can only negotiate the terms.
Here we return to the pathologies of the mirror (body image disorders) and situate them in a refusal to negotiate, a false hope of cancelling the contract, of seeing reflected back at us a grammatized self that is somehow also whole and therefore unificatory, that cancels our responsibility for our own happiness (the negotiation), that resolves the unresolvable split. The logic of the misunderstanding is a flee from action, that is action as socially legible (or potentially legible) action, and as the only way to negotiate a presence of self and receive validation of self. It is a hystericized reaction to inevitable actual imperfections in one’s impressions of the bodily image as situated under the gaze of the “ideal” grammatized (socially legible) body such that onto such imperfections are projected the original loss of the unified self that in its ungrammatized state was not to itself an other, a body in the world, but a world in and of itself.
And so the imperfections in the mirror come to bear the weight of impossible return. And the more they do, the more hystericized the reaction, the more fear of the magnified imperfections, the more the sufferer is bound to deny them by looking in the mirror to not find them (the pathology subsisting in the illogic of devoting all one’s energies in a search to not find that can only end when it fails its goal).
We see here how any negotiation becomes impossible in the hystericized denial of such a negotiation’s necessity. Body image pathologies are a route that takes the sufferer further and further from responsibility as they seek an impossible effacement of an inevitable difference, That is, they ultimately seek (unknowingly) the effacement of subjectivity itself in a search for a pure subjectivity that exists only in a false reflection or memory, a trace that does not represent the experience but only a view of it from outside so to speak, and a view only possible from outside, from the already split subject—for the pure unity is not a subjectivity but sentience in-itself that does not know itself and cannot experience itself as another as the split subject can.
So, in relation to subjectivity, the sufferer “throws the baby out with the bathwater” in a refusal to acknowledge that its humiliation by the socio-symbolic is a part of its being and being able to be in the only way now possible, in being able to feel the trace of lost being, even transiently. And so it self-humiliates its own socio-symbolic subjectivity in a masochistic act of revenge that cannot end in anything but exhaustion, that is, the exhaustion of the will to be in the subject, which is the only position from which it can act to fulfill itself, and the productive redirection of which is its only hope of its salvation.