A man walks into an old house in Jerusalem, walks around a bit and asks if he can talk to the owner.

When an old man shows up the visitor asks if he has lived in the house for long.

The old man answers that the property has been in his family for many generations and it is even said in the family history that they owned in the time of that interloper called Jesus.

The visitor smiles and says gently " I am that man, I am Jesus and have returned to save humanity."

The old man looks at him and laughs. "So you can prove that if I ask you some questions then?" he asks.

"Of course I can" says Jesus. "Ask all you want."

The old man rambles away and comes back shortly with a very old, very big book. "This is the history of my family. It goes back hundreds of years"

The old man asks questions taken from all sections of the book, and Jesus answers them all correctly.

The old man takes a long look at Jesus and says quietly, "One more question"

"Where did the owner of this house sit the last time you ate here?"

Jesus responded immediately, "He never sat with us, He said it would not be right of sit in with a group of friends that he was not part of"

The old man stare at Jesus for several minutes with a large smile on his lips.

"So it is true then." he said. "You promised to return and you did."

"Of course I did, I always keep my promise."

"About bloody time too." the old man screamed. "Do you know how much interest you owe on the last supper you ate?"
"My family has had to wait 2000 years for you to come and pay but now we will be rich."

This is a joke thread. — Sapientia

Did I miss your joke? No, because it was not there to miss.

Please refer once again to my previous post.

You are really addicted to being a grammar cop are you not. And even if you say that none are available at the moment, I know just how to call one. I just ignore all of the little red lines in my posts.

You have no idea how much fun it is to see you jump at the mistakes.
Of course you only seem to do it to mine, whilst flagrantly ignoring or maybe failing to spot other posters' failure to punctuate, capitalize, spell check or even write blatant stupidity.

You butt in on my discussions and reply to things I have posted for others, this shows a total lack of the courtesy which one would expect from someone that brags about being a moderator on the forum.

I have no further wish to carry on any kind of discourse with a person that demonstrates so little respect for the members of this forum. Please refrain from all further communication.

Oh, dear I almost forgot to mention this. I know it my might seem silly of me, but why did you have your head in a bucket?

I'm afraid all of us are busy right now. We're dealing with an urgent situation involving a bucket, some clear liquid, a head, and some exploitable ambiguity. It's a real problem. — Sapientia

Golly b'joggers. You fellows must be really, but really busy right now.

I will toggle along and leave you to it them.

If you want to play innocent be my guest. — Hachem

Oh dear, should I find a lawyer?

Oh. I must have misunderstood. It's hard to see through this bucket.

I thought that I was joking, but I'm glad that there are people here to correct me. — Sapientia

Happy to be of service. X-)

I am not complaining. I am judging you, and it is as ugly as your judgment of me. — Hachem

Maybe we should call one of the grammar cops to examine your sentences. They seen to be saying you don't like the way I replied to something. Is that not the definition of complaining?

In what way have I judged you? If trying to explain means that I doubt you are intelligent enough to understand then maybe. But I thought that you required an answer from me.

Ah, I see. So you know a couple of people that stick their heads in things without knowing anything about a bucket of clear liquid. — Sapientia

Ah, I see. you still fail to understand. I never mentioned a bucket, with or without any content whether that be clear fluid or otherwise.

you should have participated in the discussions concerning this subject. — Hachem

First of all, what discussion? You told a joke and people were asked to comment if they so wished, I did wish.

Here you are supposed to be funny, not a smart-ass. — Hachem

I did not ask any one to comment on my comments, so when I reply to them I suppose that it is what they want. If they don't want me to reply then they should either not reply to my comments or specifically state that they do not wish replies to their replies to my comments.

So what are you specifically complaining about?

You know a couple of people who are like a bucket of clear liquid? — Sapientia

No.

I know a couple of people that stick their heads in things without knowing anything about it.

You don't take chances with your children. Also, whether or not they would participate in a particular behavior, the fantasy says something about how that person thinks and sees other people. Actually, maybe it's more that making your fantasies public shows that you are the kind of person who does not understand appropriate human boundaries. I hadn't thought about that. I think it makes a lot of sense. — T Clark

I worry about the ones that say what they think, but how can you worry about the ones that don't?
As I said the ones that do have fantasizes would be more likely to do something than others, but no one knows what goes on in other peoples' heads. Just look at the number of honorable members of the churches get into things that are not very nice.

I think that's the type of example that tests the principle. If others knew about that fantasy, they would not let their children within a mile of the person. And they'd be right. — T Clark

Does the fact that a person fantasizes about doing something mean that they would actually do it?
Many have thought about killing themselves, but they don't all do it.
I have fantasized about becoming a super hero, not got around to it yet though.

I agree that someone is probably more disposed toward certain types of behavior if one gets pleasure from them, but between thinking about hurting someone and actually doing it there is a big gap.

And the punch line is? :-*

Funny, because I know a couple of people like that.

How do you describe a blind fisherman.

A guy that is fshng

Why did the blind guy fall into the hole in the ground?

Because he could not see that well.

Such a shame that only one person understood. :-*

So you are saying you really are all fucked? — Banno

Not "you", "them"

That no one has any balls, that leadership is dead?

Perhaps you are right. — Banno

Banno, how could you possible read all of that from my post?

All I did was try to see if anyone was available to do a job that is well worth doing.

Let's wait and see how many volunteers there are.

What would happen if I did make my fantasies more public. I think a lot of people would not want to be around me. — T Clark

That would depend on what the fantasies were, who knows you might even get offers of participation.
But if you started talking about how you would like to find out what sex with a goat was like, then yes I would be the first one out of the door.

Making that type of thing publically available and acceptable, even if it wouldn't lead to dangerous behavior (which is questionable), would probably set a tone that would make the most vulnerable people feel threatened. — T Clark

Is watching pornography a stimulant or a learning method?
Lots of people say that watching porn makes the people want to copy what they see, but would they watch something that disgusted them.
I am not a fan of watching porn but I am pretty sure that I would not want to watch something that involved violence. So I could not learn about violent sex from it.
Someone with a slightly different way of looking at sex might like a bit of rough sex, but does he/she need porn to learn from.

Kids are something else, many do use porn as a learning resource. But would they really go out and start slapping their young partners around just because they saw it in a porn film? I seriously doubt they would have many opportunities for sex if they tried it.

Enough talk. The facts are there before you. Time to act. — Banno

OK, so the majority has stated that the US of A needs to bring in stricter gun laws. Let's do the planning.
Who wants to write up the laws?
Who wants to work out how much it is all going to cost and where to get the money?

Who wants to be the one to implement the plan? You know, like going out there and start taking the guns off the people?

So, when experienced in private, are these types of fantasies moral? Ethical? — T Clark

Morality involves judgement, who will judge you? You could answer "myself", but do you really control what happens in your imagination?
What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas is the saying. I think that as long as your thoughts are 100% private them no one, not even yourself should need to judge them. Being fantasies they have no realistic value.
Imagine day dreaming of solving all of your financial problems by robing a bank. You dream out all of the plans, the execution of it and then an image of someone getting shot jumps into your dream. Did you really intend for that to happen?

Granny on the curb. Part 2

Son "Agh come on pa', it ain't my fault they took her"
Dad "But it was your fault they took the god damned sofa she was lying on and I want it back"

Where was I going with this? — Baden

If you don't know, how the hell should we?

When you was born you was so ugly the doc slapped the shit out of you mama.

Dad to son, "Hey dumb ass, why you leave your ugly old granny on the curb?"
Son, "She said she wanted to see the people passing by."
Dad "So now you gotta go chase the garbage truck that hauled her ass away."

Thoughts? — Hanover

Try writing limericks?

The bus incident you refer to didn't involve the use of a firearm, though. — Ciceronianus the White

The use of firearms as a preventive method does not always require one to fire it. But the incident did involve the use of firearms. If one of the passengers had started to fight with the thief things might have ended up very different as has happened on several occasions before.

I suspect that most of the law abiding citizens carrying firearms for protection haven't spent much time being trained in their use. — Ciceronianus the White

And I suppose the bad guys are about the same, except for the practice they get attacking others.

I tried with the Napoleon joke. — praxis

OK so now it is auto-evaluation time.

On a scale from 1 to 1.1, how did you score on that joke? X-)

Make it your last. — Hanover

The thread is about the last word here, on this thread. Not the last word at the end of the world or even your life. Lighten up a bit. :D

The answer: tighter gun control. — Sapientia

The question: in what specific way should they be made tighter?

One or two would be fine, but I really don't intend that this be a limericks thread. — T Clark

OK. (Y)

I think that's a good idea, given that this is a jokes thread. — T Clark

Don't limericks that make people laugh count as jokes?

An English bobby in the early twentieth century was asked about how they dealt with criminals.
We just leave them hanging around for a while and they never bother us again.

Cool, they mention one of my favorite books Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar.

There once was a forum for the philosophical

Where members would troll things fantastical

It happened one day

In a gruesome display

That Sir2u was marked ungrammatical — praxis

Now sir, that was funny. X-)
Maybe instead of jokes we could have a limericks thread.

Someone carrying a gun always intends to use it. Why else carry a gun? Nobody carries a gun with the intent not to use it. — Ciceronianus the White

As I have already said, I agree with this. But the distinction is as you say.

They intend to use it "when necessary." The law abiding citizen, presumably, intends to use it to protect themselves or others from someone also carrying a gun. — Ciceronianus the White

The non-abiding folks are intent on using as necessary to advance their own way of life, and bugger the rest.

I'm not at all certain that a law abiding, gun-toting citizen would do a significant deal of good in a public firefight. — Ciceronianus the White

That would depend on the situation. As I have said sometimes the presence of one and the knowledge that it will be used is enough to avoid further problems. I already explained my personal experience with gun carrying.
Another example that might be pertinent happened on the same bus route I use daily. Almost everyday one of the buses would be robbed. A different man would get on somewhere at the beginning of the trip and wait for the bus to fill up. Then he would reach into his bag and pullout a gun before making everyone take of their valuables, wallets, mobile phones and once even a pair of tennis shoes.
It stopped the day three people pulled guns on him. He got off the bus after returning the few things he had already picked up and started running. But as usually happens here phones are for taking selfies and no on thought to take his picture.

The case you mention as well as others involving police are not the norm. They are if you look at the big picture very rare incidents.

:-x — Sapientia

:-x

HaHaHa, at last you said something funny. You have decided to keep quiet. Good decision.

It's not about capability. It's about spending one's time wisely. If you're having trouble figuring things out that plenty of others can easily grasp, then you have my heartfelt sympathy, but that's all you're getting. — Sapientia

See, you did it again.

Who's time are you talking about?

I don't have a lot to spare but I do at least take the time to understand you, even if you refuse to explain things. What I don't have time for is googling all of your ideas to get explanations.

Have you tried knitting? — Sapientia

Been there, done that. Lots of fun but were I live we don't need pullovers.

Any further suggestions?

Although, if your comedy is anything like your grammar... — Sapientia

Should I try poetry then?

There was once an old fart from Maryland
Who considered himself so grand
He spent his days irritating people on a forum
Which he did with little decorum
And with many a comment oh so bland