what the hell should I do with my life? — John McMannis
The simplest answer is just live it. That is not the same as existing through it.
You have only one life so you need to enjoy it. Make that your objective.
The first thing you need to do is figure out exactly what would make you happy. Making the missus content, having your own place, having kids, keeping up with the classmates seem to be the list you have created.
What does the missus REALLY want?
Have you examined the pro's and con's of your and her "needs/wishes"
Having your own house is not cheap nor always convenient. Apart from mortgage payments there is also maintenance to take into account. If you are not a DIY'er then it can be expensive getting simple things done. The housing markets fluctuate, what you pay today might not be anyway near its value in 10 years. And a house can also act as an anchor. If you need to move to a better job sight, it can get complicated doing it in a hurry with a house that no one wants to pay your asking price for.
The same thing can basically be said about kids. They are high maintenance objects. You cannot just pick up and move them to a new school without causing them difficulties. I know because I went to 13 different schools in 3 countries.
Keeping up with the friends sucks. Just because they are doing something with their life does not mean that the same type of life is right for you. Hell it might not even be right for them and they will be divorcing sooner or later.
Work out a compromise, a plan with your wife, something that you both agree on and that, taking into consideration the fucked up world in which we live, would be possible.
Something like this;
This year, sort out the job/financial situation.
Find a way to make a better wage. Some places pay better for doing the same work if you are good at what you do.
Look for a cheaper place to live. Making a sacrifice for a couple of years might put enough money in the bank to help finding a house.
Maybe looking in another town would give the two of a better chance at both and she might not need to work so hard.
Next year, ................
Enough, I am not going to lay out a life plan for you.
Or you could buy an old school bus and take her on a world tour by working for gas and food.