Donald Trump (All General Trump Conversations Here) Only the most determinedly brain-dead would mistake a few Tesla bonfires for domestic terrorism. The U.S. legal definition of domestic terrorism, as per 18 U.S. Code § 2331, requires acts that are (1) dangerous to human life, (2) intended to intimidate or coerce a civilian population, influence government policy, or affect government conduct through mass destruction, assassination, or kidnapping. Smashing up a few overpriced battery sleds fails on almost every count unless we're now pretending that setting fire to a car is the same as sending anthrax to Congress.
For it to be terrorism, these arsonists would have to be attempting to pressure the U.S. government into banning Tesla, outlawing tech billionaires, or perhaps forcing Musk to finally finish building that Hyperloop he promised a decade ago. But there is no grand anti-Tesla manifesto, no underground resistance fighting the tyranny of overpriced self-driving software that doesn’t work. There’s not even a particularly cohesive movement—just pissed-off individuals torching status symbols.
And yet, because Tesla is Musk’s sacred cow, and Musk has successfully bought himself a direct line to lawmakers and regulators, we must all now pretend that this is a crime of national consequence. We must feign horror that people might not like a man who turned a revolutionary electric car company into a meme stock-slash-cult. That individuals, acting alone and without coordination, might express their frustration in a way that is destructive but nowhere near the level of, say, blowing up a federal building.
Hating Musk is not a political position, no matter how much he’d like to believe he’s the ideological lynchpin of the free world. It’s a personal preference, much like preferring your autopilot to not drive you into a stationary object at highway speeds. The notion that vandalizing Teslas is a threat to the nation is as ridiculous as calling a key scratch on a Ferrari an act of economic sabotage. If anything, this is proof that Musk has ascended to the final stage of billionaire pathology: where even the slightest inconvenience to his interests is rebranded as an attack on civilization itself.