Deceptive and manipulative behavior isn't always a sin, and when it is, it isn't necessarily a big deal - that's my point. We do it all the time, even unconsciously, and often for good reasons: when we try to look our best, when we try to be persuasive, when we are being tactful, when we try to make someone feel good (or bad), when we avoid giving "too much information." And then there are different degrees and modes of candidness that are appropriate to different relationships: with your spouse, with your child, with a friend, with a colleague, with a shop clerk, with a police officer, etc. Someone who is absolutely candid with everyone at all times would be rightly considered a sociopath. — SophistiCat
Would you say that we engage in authentic relationships with people all the time, too?
It seems that way to me.
Authenticity is not deceptive or manipulative, I agree there. But I'm uncertain about some of your examples. Acting tactfully or trying to make someone feel good or bad are quite possibly authentic expressions or actions. It's a matter of whether or not you are tactful or want to make someone feel good or bad.
Persuasion might be done authentically, even. It just depends on whether you believe what you are saying -- so telling someone what persuaded you isn't deceitful, while thinking up anything to change someone's belief to match what you want it to be regardless of whether you find it persuasive isn't.
Looking your best, I agree, is not part of an authentic relationship. We treat those we love worse than those we are strangers to because we don't have to put on a show for them.
How big of a deal it is... well, I sort of feel that a life with less deception is a happier life. So I don't know if I'd cast these things as sins, though they certainly can be in some cases. It's more that by engaging others in a strictly deceptive manner you cut yourself off -- you are only hurting yourself, because you can no longer trust people and be with them. To dovetail a bit of what
@unenlightened is saying above, they become objects which, likewise, are manipulating you too, which destroys all hopes of any kind of relationship with people.
EDIT:
(I know someone who says that he despises movies and theater, because he values truth and honesty. I think he is a douche.) — SophistiCat
I wanted to hone in on this a bit but wasn't sure how to at first.
There is a difference between authenticity, and
valueing truth and honesty and following through in some respect because of that value. Active valuation of this sort ties into one's identity, a lot of the time. But being authentic is anything but an identity -- at least of the sort we are attached to, express in words and decide actions from. Authenticity is tied to feeling.
Now, I don't know this someone. Perhaps he is an authentic douche.
:D But there is a difference between simple candidness, the active valuation of truth/honesty, and an authentic
relationship -- one seems to be caught up in pure self-expression, whereas the other includes someone else and is felt prior to any expression.
How does any of that relate to the OP? Well, it's a bit tangential. I just felt it was important to say, and hoped that maybe it related after the fact. Maybe with a bit more work it will.