Granny on the curb. Part 2

Son "Agh come on pa', it ain't my fault they took her"
Dad "But it was your fault they took the god damned sofa she was lying on and I want it back"

There once was a nihilist from Spain
Who loved to travel by train
He told us one day
Going out of his way
That a man named T Clark was a pain — praxis

Your limericks stink, but I can appreciate a good smarty pants. You, Sapientia, and Nils Loc are to be congratulated.

Joke of the Day - October 13, 2017

Definitions:

• A priori truth – An assertion I want to be true but that can’t be proven, that I can’t prove, or that I’m too lazy to prove
• Atheism – A philosophical system for explaining to people who don’t believe in God why you don’t either
• Logic – a philosophical method for determining the truth without having to actually know anything
• Common sense – See “A priori truth.”
• Knowledge - There are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns – the ones we don't know we don't know.
• Philosophy – The search for the truth; the meaning of life; the nature of existence; and the definitions of long, obscure words translated from German
• Clarity – Expressing what you mean in a way that makes it obvious you’re wrong
• Self-evident – See “A priori truth.”

Technically, I didn't break the rules.

you can comment on the jokes people tell — T Clark

I was merely commenting on Nihilistic Locomotives contribution. Nils Loc is from Spain, and judging from his name it's reasonable to assume he's got a thing for trains. Also, according to his story you're ultimately responsible for his glossectomy, which I can only imagine is a painful procedure. So not only is my commentary law abiding, it's true. Can you prove that Nils Loc still has a tongue? I didn't think so.

Technically, I didn't break the rules. — praxis

You didn't read my post carefully. I said your limerick stinks, not that it broke the rules.

Ah, must have been blinded by a guilty conscience.

Were you present at old PF?

My version of this:
Particle physicist is pulled over, cop comes up and says, "Sir, do you realize you were going 65 mph and the speed limit here is 45?"
Physicist says, "Oh thanks a lot. Now I'm lost!"

My version of this:
Particle physicist is pulled over, cop comes up and says, "Sir, do you realize you were going 65 mph and the speed limit here is 45?"
Physicist says, "Oh thanks a lot. Now I'm lost!" — Srap Tasmaner

Actually, if you changed "physicist" to "Werner Heisenberg," I would like your version better.

Briefly, my philosophizing isn't any better than my limericks.

My version of this:
Particle physicist is pulled over, cop comes up and says, "Sir, do you realize you were going 65 mph and the speed limit here is 45?"

Physicist says, "Oh thanks a lot. Now I'm lost!" — Srap Tasmaner

Actually, if you changed "physicist" to "Werner Heisenberg," I would like your version better.

I went back and changed the joke on page 4.

If you just copy the joke you can change it yourself.



He doesn't own the version of his joke unless his joke is his bread and butter. As an aside, he can live without butter. It is better to live without butter. You can't believe it's not better.

Edit: It is better to leave our history unrevised. But you can't believe it's not better because there was only margarine in George Orwell's 1984. Big Brother's marketing campaign: "Margarine is Butter"

I changed the original version to his (with physicist changed to WH) and with an acknowledgement to him. It's not a question of ownership, it's giving credit where credit is due.

In the old days, when people forwarded jokes to their friends in email, a friend of mine received a joke that he himself had typed and sent to a friend like a year before. Networks are cool.

In the old days, when people forwarded jokes to their friends in email, a friend of mine received a joke that he himself had typed and sent to a friend like a year before. Networks are cool. — Srap Tasmaner

I wonder if people growing up now will understand how the last 20 years have changed our lives. The one that still gets me the most is Google Earth.

Had an empty field of maybe half an acre by a house we lived in for a while-- this is semi-rural North Georgia. One time, instead of bush-hogging the whole thing, I cut a maze for the kids so they could go through and pick blackberries.

You could see the maze on Google Earth.

Joke of the Day - October 14, 2017

Niels Bohr and Max Planck were in a bar in Denmark. Planck was really drunk. A big guy came in and knocked into him. Planck said “Watch where you’re going, you stupid asshole.” The guy looked at him, perplexed, and shook his head. Bohr said, “wait a minute, he doesn’t speak German.” Then he turned to the man and said “Han sagde ‘se, hvor du går dig dumme røvhul’." The man grabbed Planck by the throat and beat the crap out of him. When Planck woke up he asked, “What happened.” Bohr said “Oh, I just gave him the Copenhagen Interpretation.”

What city in Georgia? I'm far enough north of the city that I'd call parts semi-rural. Or, God's country. You could call it that too.

Here's my joke, and I don't know it yet because it's just now coming to me:

A man walks into a bar with a four foot 2 by 4 with a rusty nail jutting out the side. He's out of breath and sweating profusely. The smell of dog feces permeates the room. A beautiful princess sits down at the bar, naked except for the sock that covers her transexuality. A priest staggers in, completely wasted, openly weeping and putting pressure on the open wound in his leg. A horse then walks in, and the bartender says, "why the long face"?

Pretty good joke I think.

I've spent almost all my life here, just outside Athens.

My son's up at UGA. I'm about 50 mins SW from there.

Pretty good joke I think. — Hanover

A man walks into a bar with a four foot 2 by 4 with a rusty nail jutting out the side. He's out of breath and sweating profusely. The smell of dog feces permeates the room. A beautiful princess sits down at the bar, naked except for the sock that covers her transexuality. A priest staggers in, completely wasted, openly weeping and putting pressure on the open wound in his leg. A horse then walks in, and the bartender says, "why the long face"? — Hanover

Alternate punch-lines:

• The bartender turns to the princess and says "What brings you to these parts?"
• The bartender turns to the priest and says "No Catholics allowed."
• The bartender turns to the man and says "No outside drinks."
• The princess turns to the 2 x 4 and says "How are you tonight, stud?"
• The bartender says to the horse "Hey Lenny, can you watch the bar for a minute, I need to see a man about a man."

• The bartender turns to Frank Sinatra and asks "Where did you come from? And, more importantly, why aren't you in this joke?"

Why did the blind guy fall into the hole in the ground?

Because he could not see that well.

How do you describe a blind fisherman.

A guy that is fshng

Joke of the Day - October 15, 2017

More lesser known philosophical sayings

• I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
• Jack’s son has the gout.
• Hulk smash, therefore Hulk am.
• And when I feel downhearted; mother whispers B words constantly; like Brahma, Baal, Bast Buddha; letter B.
• The truth! You can’t handle the truth! No truth-handler, you. Bah! I deride your truth-handling abilities!
• Beauty is truth, truth beauty. No, wait. Beauty and correspondence with mind-independent external reality are truth, truth beauty and correspondence with mind-independent external reality; that is all ye know on earth and all ye need to know.

guy sees a bucket of clear liquid. He puts his finger in it which immediately disintegrates. Curious as to why, he puts his head in the bucket, eyes open wide.

And the punch line is? :-*

Funny, because I know a couple of people like that.

God accidentally spills a bucket of clear liquid.

14 billion years later he cleans it up.

God accidentally spills a bucket of clear liquid. — Nils Loc

I don't remember that in Genesis.