There’s a story that Napoleon, a man who Nietzsche claimed was an Übermensch, was briefly captured during the French Revolutionary Wars. Before escaping, he was put on the rack and tortured by the enemy for military secrets. He was strong though, it's reported that all he would say is, “that which doesn’t kill me makes me longer.”

Cool, they mention one of my favorite books Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar.

An English bobby in the early twentieth century was asked about how they dealt with criminals.
We just leave them hanging around for a while and they never bother us again.

Maybe instead of jokes we could have a limericks thread. — Sir2u

I think that's a good idea, given that this is a jokes thread.

I think that's a good idea, given that this is a jokes thread. — T Clark

Don't limericks that make people laugh count as jokes?

Hey, everyone. If you want to just insult each other, there's the Shoutbox. If you want to write limericks, as Sir2u said, you can start a separate thread. If you want to just spout nonsense syllables, you can ... well I don't know what you can do, but you shouldn't do it here. The jokes I am posting mean something to me. I'd like to see yours too. They don't have to be really funny, or even funny at all, as long as you try. Of course you can comment on the jokes people tell, but this is getting chaotic.

Please.

Don't limericks that make people laugh count as jokes? — Sir2u

One or two would be fine, but I really don't intend that this be a limericks thread. Also, the ones that have been posted so far aren't funny or even really trying to be funny. They're just insulting or random noise.

One or two would be fine, but I really don't intend that this be a limericks thread. — T Clark

OK. (Y)

Sorry. I tried with the Napoleon joke.

I tried with the Napoleon joke. — praxis

OK so now it is auto-evaluation time.

On a scale from 1 to 1.1, how did you score on that joke? X-)

It’s funny. Your sense of humor: .01

Sorry. I tried with the Napoleon joke. — praxis

Don't be sorry, your joke is exactly what I was hoping for, it was a joke and it was on the border between amusing and funny. I appreciated it.

The jokes I am posting mean something to me. — T Clark

That was your first funny one. (Y)

That was your first funny one. — Baden

I know you are, but what am I?

There once was a forum for the philosophical

Where members would troll things fantastical

It happened one day

In a gruesome display

That Sir2u was marked ungrammatical — praxis

Not bad at all but the rhythm is off. Maybe:

"There once was a forum phil'sophical
Where member would troll things fantastical
It happened one day
In a gruesome display
That Sir'u was marked ungrammat'cal"

But I won't flood this place with my own limericks as T Clark has set down strict guidelines on what can be considered a joke here and I think we should all respect that. (Not being sarcastic by the way (much). It's his discussion. So, let's stick to standard jokes.)

I know you are, but what am I? — T Clark

My comment actually was meant as a joke.

My comment actually was meant as a joke. — Baden

So was my response. I don't know if you read it, but I identified that phrase earlier in this thread as a lesser known logical fallacy.

Ah OK, missed that.

Ah OK, missed that. — Baden

Sorry, wrong joke, it was this one:

Lesser Known Philosophical Sayings
• Gunga Galunga
• The D’oh that can be spoken is not the eternal D’oh
• Hemlock! Shit! I thought he said eggnog!
• Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to do your laundry.
• I know you are, but what am I.

Can you name the philosopher?

"The world would be happier if men had the same capacity to be silent that they have to write terrible jokes. "

"Pride is pleasure arising from a man's thinking too highly of his own terrible jokes."

"Sin cannot be conceived in a natural state, but only in a civil state, where it is decreed by common consent what is good or bad humor.


Almost Baruch Spinoza (tweaked parts in italics), famous Jewish joke critic and stone polisher.

NL, you are a humerous person.

There once was a guy called T Clark,
Who might disapprove of this lark.
It's an awful affair,
But he has lovely hair,
So I cut off his head after dark.

Long ago I danced for a King named Clark,
Who frowned and began to bark.
He sold me away,
To a tyrant they say,
Who cut out my tongue as a lark.

The rhythm's off with yours, too. The first line in particular is too long.

There once was a nihilist from Spain
Who loved to travel by train
He told us one day
Going out of his way
That a man named T Clark was a pain

Joke of the Day - October 12, 2017.

Yo mama jokes:
Yo mama is so old, she sat behind Pythagoras in second grade.
Yo Buddha is so fat, his reflection weighs five pounds.
Yo mama is so stupid, she became a Buddhist because she heard that the first of the Four Noble Truths is that all life is surfing.
Yo mama is so fat, she doesn’t have a dress, she has an event horizon.
Yo mama is so stupid, she thinks Immanuel Kant is Superman’s secret identify.
Yo mama is so ugly, Richard Dawkins uses her picture as proof there is no God.

When you was born you was so ugly the doc slapped the shit out of you mama.

Dad to son, "Hey dumb ass, why you leave your ugly old granny on the curb?"
Son, "She said she wanted to see the people passing by."
Dad "So now you gotta go chase the garbage truck that hauled her ass away."

I'm afraid I'm going to have to institute strict punishment for anyone who posts another of these wonderful limericks, which are much better than regular jokes and god only knows why T Clark doesn't like them but...Where was I going with this?

Where was I going with this? — Baden

If you don't know, how the hell should we?