A young woman has been bedridden all week, nursing a mean cold. Sunday she feels somewhat better, even if her throat still aches, and she can barely speak above a whisper.
Still, she decides to go visit her best friend in town.
She knock at the door and the husband opens: is your wife home, she whispers?
The guy looks left and right and whispers back: no, come in, quickly!

Message received loud and clear. So be it. No more wordplay from me. I will have to resist the urge, which is difficult when you have a name which sounds like the job title of someone who earns a living by copying manuscripts relating to a certain aromatic beverage. — Sapientia

Geez Louise, that's not what I said. I just asked everyone to play nice.

A cop stops a biker and asks: is this motorcycle "insured"?
No, says the biker confused, from here, from Casablanca. — Hachem

I give that joke 4 stars. Wait, no, I mean 4 crescent moons.

X-)

Geez Louise, that's not what I said. I just asked everyone to play nice. — T Clark

Geeziana Louisiana, how many more people are going to mistake irony for stupidity? Do I have to put a winking emoji each time or something? You people are practically forcing me to commit the Jay Leno fallacy.

I hope you're happy. ;) ;) ;) <<<<<< IRONY! (I was being ironic there).

Geeziana Louisiana, how many more people are going to mistake irony for stupidity? Do I have to put a winking emoji each time or something? You people are practically forcing me to commit the Jay Leno fallacy.

I hope you're happy. ;) ;) ;) <<<<<< IRONY! — Sapientia

I do appreciate your use of one of my neofallacia.

03:12 - "It's 'Scottish'!"



The "It's 'Scottish'!" fallacy.

Buddha's Clear Liquid Self-Dissolving Solution (now comes in new bucket size).

Do you suspect someone has been screwing your wife while you're at work? Did you lose your job due to a corporate merger and you are worried your family will now be homeless? Buddha's Clear Liquid Self-Dissolving Solution is the right solution for you.

Simply submerge the heads of the problematic selves in provided bucket containing Buddha's Clear Liquid Self-Dissolving Solution and whoila! your problems are solved.

From the makers of Ayn Rand's Industrial Strength Self-Galvanizing solution.

you should take requests and charge people for it. :)

If only it were that easy.

Okay, but what should I it them with? — Sapientia

But me no buts. It me no its >>> It them with your but. :P

Joke of the Day - October 16, 2017

Niels Bohr, Albert Einstein, and Frank are at a gay bar. Bohr sees an attractive young man at the bar. He goes over, talks to him, and gets him to spin around in a circle. Then he starts spinning in the opposite direction. Then they walk together to the bathroom. Fifteen minutes later he comes back, sits back down at the table, and says “quantum entanglement.” A little later, another man comes in. Einstein looks very intently at him for a few minutes until the man walks over, takes him by the hand, and leads him out to the parking lot. A half-hour later, he comes in, sits back down, and says “Spooky action at a distance.” Soon, a third young man comes in. Frank goes over, talks to him, buys him a drink, and they go to the storage room in the back of the bar together. Twenty minutes later he comes back, walks over to the table, sits down, and says “blow job.”

Twenty minutes later he comes back, walks over to the table, sits down, and says “blow job.” — T Clark

I was half expecting do be do be do, but this is much better! :)

I was half expecting do be do be do, but this is much better! — Hachem

Thank you. This is my favorite joke in my collection.

A man walks into a bar with a bucket full of grammar rules and everything disintegrates.

True story.

Has anyone ever heard the magic elephant joke?

Joke of the Day - October 17, 2017

Somebody else’s jokes:

• Zeno walks halfway into a bar….
• The Buddha is low on cash, so he sets up a hot dog stand. A monk walks up and says “Hey, Gautama, make me one with everything.”
• The Sunday school teacher asked “Can anyone tell me who Joseph was.” One of the kids raises her hand and says “He was Jesus’s stepfather.”

Nietzsche is walking along a street in Turin we he sees a cart driver whipping a unicorn.

He embraces the horse and whispers in its ear : "Sometimes horses don't want to hear the truth because they don't want their illusions destroyed."

Three blind philosophers stumble upon an elephant. The philosophers consist of a materialist, an idealist, and a pragmatist. The materialist feels around and says, "This thing's alive and has a trunk like an elephant. It must be an elephant." The idealist feels around and says, "Yeah, it's definitely alive, and it has legs the size of tree trunks. It must be an elephant." The pragmatist says, "Anything that can make you guys agree on something... It must be a magic elephant."

Three blind philosophers stumble upon an elephant. The philosophers consist of a materialist, an idealist, and a pragmatist. The materialist feels around and says, "This thing's alive and has a trunk like an elephant. It must be an elephant." The idealist feels around and says, "Yeah, it's definitely alive, and it has legs the size of tree trunks. It must be an elephant." The pragmatist says, "Anything that can make you guys agree on something... It must be a magic elephant." — praxis

3.5 stars. If it's your own joke, 4 stars.

"STARS..."

That's your idea of a joke? Posting pictures of me to ridicule my disabilities?

How very dare you?

So a philosopher discovers the meaning of life the universe and everything, and posts it on a forum.

Is she; (a) banned; (b) understood and agreed with, causing the collapse of civilisation; (c) assumed to be starting a joke thread; (d) sexually harassed; (e) mistaken for a man?

Well, @Sir2u provided the subject matter, which I'm curious about, btw.

If it's not about grammar or Frank Sinatra, I'm not interested.

A guy walks into a pub and puts a bucket on the bar.

He says to the barman "Give me a pint of bitter and fill the bucket with mild".

After downing his pint he walks out of the door with the bucket in hand and returns a few minutes later to repeat the process.

After the guy has repeated it four times the barman had become curious enough to ask wht he was doing with the bucket of mild. "You ain't givin' that beer to some kids are yer?"

"No." replies the man "It's for my magic elephant." With that he walks out with the next round.

When he returns the barman asks "Are you pullin' me leg about the elephant?"

"No, not at all. He is right outside, go and look."

S few minutes later the barman returns with a shocked look on his face. "That's a big bastard ain't he, but I don't see nothin' magical about it. What he do that?"

"He makes love to cats"

Amid howls of laughter from the crowd of drinkers the man walks out with another round followed by the happy boozers.

The barman comes up with a cat and says "I just gotta see this. I'll bet a weeks beer yer talkin' shit. What does it take to make him get it on with the moggy?"

"Well usually he does not do public performances but for a bet like that OK. Just put the cat down in front of him and back off"

When the cat is sitting in front of the elephant the man whispers in his ear "Do your stuff big boy"

The elephant lifts its might leg and stamps down on the cat.

Joke of the Day - October 18, 2017

Isaac Newton and Frank were sitting outside under a tree, talking. Suddenly a piece of fruit falls and bounces on the ground. Newton says, “Look, an apple.” Frank says, “No, that’s a fig, Isaac.”

So a philosopher discovers the meaning of life the universe and everything, and posts it on a forum.

Is she; (a) banned; (b) understood and agreed with, causing the collapse of civilisation; (c) assumed to be starting a joke thread; (d) sexually harassed; (e) mistaken for a man? — unenlightened

(f) the Earth is destroyed to make way for a hyperspace bypass.

(f) the Earth is destroyed to make way for a hyperspace bypass. — Michael

I think that explains life, the universe and everything.

A joke tries to persuade its disabled human about how to convey itself to other humans but the joke's owner has lost its keys in a dark ally and is preoccupied.

The joke says to its human "you don't need that comfy bed in that apartment which you feel you can't afford not to pay, just sleep on the street."

The joke laughs at its human, "Frank would've told me at the right time and place in the right order without a hiccup. "

"Always you and your Frank" the human says.