I suppose we could be witnessing an attempt to obtain therapy to eliminate prior negative patterns, but it looks like heartache and pining to me, not resolved by analysis and obsessing, but by finding someone new. — Hanover
The reality is that the antagonist in our story is better positioned for future happiness because he lacks the emotional baggage. — Hanover
Reread that sentence. Do you really think a guy with his attitude is going to achieve happiness that lasts forever after? — ArguingWAristotleTiff
He's as capable as any of us are. It's all about finding the right person. My bigger point is that whatever his problems, they are his, and not his ex's to worry about. He'll be fine, or not, but let it go. — Hanover
I feel that what you say is something that you want to say to yourself. — TimeLine
I'm pretty sure that the target has to respond in a certain way to make themselves a tempting victim for continued psychological assault. — fdrake
I wonder if you could clarify something. One of the posters in this thread revealed that his wife is afraid of him and that he finds it to be common that women feel that way. My response to that is astonishment that anyone would think that it's normal for a wife to be afraid of her husband.
Do you agree with the poster I mentioned, or me? — frank
No that's not normal. It's fucked up. — Hanover
As I said previously, this is the first time I'm trying to articulate these issues, so I haven't got myself together. I think this paragraph summarizes some of what I'm thinking about. Although I'm a very aggressive person, I don't intentionally hurt people - physically or emotionally. I'd say "never" but that's not really true. I've tried, but it doesn't work. I can't do it. I have almost never used violence to try to get what I want from someone. I've never threatened, implied, intimated, violence. But women are afraid of me. And I don't mean women on the street. I mean my wife, who's known me for almost 50 years. That's not unique. I know other women in long-term, non-violent relationships who feel the same way toward their husband, boyfriend. — somebody
I can see how you would feel that way Timeline. Ironically, I see it more as a future self trying to advise a current self. — ArguingWAristotleTiff
I don't really want to talk about the person who wrote this. I just wanted your view of the idea expressed. — frank
If a woman is afraid of her husband, doesn't that usually mean there is either physical or psychological violence on the scene? — frank
For the most part I would say deep inside, being brutally honest here, that yes many women are afraid of letting a man into her inner self.Women aren't just typically afraid of men, are they? — frank
I am not sure Hans is entirely aware of just how offensive it is to tell me that I am in love with a man who treated me so badly and that speaking of him and trying to understand him equates to having those feelings for him. The rhetorical landscape that we find ourselves traversing may ultimately lead to some errors in communication or misunderstandings - particularly when I speak of love which I see as moral consciousness and not romantic or sexual love, to be morally aware and care for all people - and being told that I am romanticising my understanding of moral consciousness is clearly a misunderstanding of who I am. In addition, people often project their own experiences and feelings and forcefeed it to others claiming that this is what you think rather than actually attempting to understand what they are trying to say. I am aware that what he said to me was completely wrong, so I can only conclude that he is the one feeling that way. — TimeLine
Maybe he is having a hard time moving on? — TimeLine
You'd probably get more insight by asking the person who said it, rather than inviting us to talk about it. — fdrake
I have a friend who's fearful of his wife's emotional tirades, so he walks on eggshells around her. Why does he tolerate it? Some folks are just fucked up I guess. They're on to 20 years like this, so maybe this is their brand of happiness. — Hanover
My feeling is that once I meet someone, from that moment on, I have a relationship with them, shallow or deep, long lasting or just a "Hi" in passing, they are now part of my life experience. Not all become close to me, in fact I let very few people in life close to the real me, because those I allow close have an ability to toss a question into the heart of who I am and I am eager to entertain that thought and if it is someone I trust, they can challenge who I am fundamentally. Those close to me make me look inward, when I thought the answer was within another or my failure to not have what it took to make the relationship work. — ArguingWAristotleTiff
Relationships exist once they are formed, we meet someone and our energies mix with theirs and if we are lucky there is synergy created between the two of us. That synergy needs nurturing and attention or it will fade away, not completely but just out of view. — ArguingWAristotleTiff
Not necessarily. I for one am fearful of men because I have witnessed abuse of my Mom by a step father and even though I have done years (2.5 yrs to be precise) of one on one therapy to figure out what the fuck happened. It is because of my history that I am fearful, not the situation I am currently in. Although when things get heated and I keep pushing, I worry he will push back so I don't get physical. — ArguingWAristotleTiff
Sexual relationships (as distinct from friendships) on its own is only sex and economics, thus to maximise the pleasurable and meaningful experience of sexual intimacy one must form an honest friendship, as an absence of which would make it this bleak capitalistic transaction with false "games" or social requisites (hey, i'll buy you chocolate on Valentines day, that must mean I love you :roll: ) in order to play 'house' or pretend that there is some meaning other than it being sex and economics. Friendship between two lovers makes the relationship real, it generates the conditions that produces a consciousness of ourselves and our place in the world, or what meaning and goodness is through the interpersonal experience. — TimeLine
This is why I said that I wish I could have been friends with that guy because what that would mean is that he would have had that 'switch' turn on, that he would not have been so cruel and callous but rather he would have stopped and become conscious of me and how his behaviour is hurting me. The love in friendship is what makes one understand and care without any ulterior motives other than wanting them to be happy. He did not have any empathy and friendship enables empathy or moral consciousness, that 'switch' that makes one understand others and ourselves, the importance of our behaviour and our responses. — TimeLine
Sexual relationships (as distinct from friendships) on its own is only sex and economics, thus to maximise the pleasurable and meaningful experience of sexual intimacy one must form an honest friendship, as an absence of which would make it this bleak capitalistic transaction with false "games" or social requisites (hey, i'll buy you chocolate on Valentines day, that must mean I love you :roll: ) in order to play 'house' or pretend that there is some meaning other than it being sex and economics. Friendship between two lovers makes the relationship real, it generates the conditions that produces a consciousness of ourselves and our place in the world, or what meaning and goodness is through the interpersonal experience. — TimeLine
If such threats occur in intimacy, it is unequivocally fucked up, no woman should ever feel fear of her partner, it is a bond, a connection and not a Master/Slave relationship. — TimeLine
As I said previously, this is the first time I'm trying to articulate these issues, so I haven't got myself together. I think this paragraph summarizes some of what I'm thinking about. Although I'm a very aggressive person, I don't intentionally hurt people - physically or emotionally. I'd say "never" but that's not really true. I've tried, but it doesn't work. I can't do it. I have almost never used violence to try to get what I want from someone. I've never threatened, implied, intimated, violence. But women are afraid of me. And I don't mean women on the street. I mean my wife, who's known me for almost 50 years. That's not unique. I know other women in long-term, non-violent relationships who feel the same way toward their husband, boyfriend.
On the other hand, women can be very violent emotionally. I think women underestimate how much men are afraid of them, of their scorn. — T Clark
It'd be a shame if the thread devolved into shit-posts. I'm surprised it hasn't already to be honest, considering how personal most of the details are. — fdrake
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